Two Sides of the Devil's Coin
by Miko A. Kimura
Summary: Rin believes she had wrongly hurt one of her lovers in the past, and promises to never love again in fear of hurting another innocent soul. But she will be tested when Len Kagamine comes around. /Noncest RinxLen/
1. Stubborn Days and Old Lies

_The sun shown brightly in the sky high above, showing the time to be around noon. The city was strangely empty on this Saturday morning, as people had decided to stay home or go to work. The wind was barely present, giving a nice peaceful feel in the world. But not everything was going well._

_"Please, give me another chance!" a young girl sobbed, bitter and salty tears streaming down her face as her blue orbs expressed the deep sadness and guilt inside her. Her voice hiccuped as she looked at the male in front of her. Nothing else mattered to her. Not the empty park, or the tree they stood by, nor the city or the very few people who passed by, only giving a momentary glance before moving on with their business._

_The young boy that this young lady was with looked her straight in the eyes, hiding the pain that was inscribed into his eyes, trying to make it easier on the poor girl in front of him. After all, he thought it wasn't exactly her fault that he was leaving. So with noble words he spoke to her in all honestly, with a calming voice. "It's not your fault for falling in love with him. I'm the one who wasn't around as much as I should have been,"_

_She hiccuped through her sobs, looking up at the one she loved, and clearly not believing him. "But-"_

_He quickly interrupted her, going on with what he was saying, with a soft and slightly pained smile. "I've met with him already. He's a nice person, that guy is. I think I can trust him with you,"_

_But this didn't calm her sobs. Somewhere, deep in her heart, she knew she didn't want this other person. This girl only wanted the boy who was now walking away. She continued to look at his face, though the image was blurred by the tears that continued to fall like waterfalls. "Please, don't leave,"_

_But her pleas were ignored as the male in front of her smiled, bending down to give her one last kiss. One that declared his love for her, even if they were parting forever. As her eyes started to close at the only source of warmth around her, she started to lean into the kiss, tasting their tears mixed together. She never wanted him to leave._

_But the kiss was short._

_Soon he removed himself from her, backing away a step and giving her another honorable and memorable statement. "Please, forget me. Forget me so you can be happy, Rin-chan. You know I don't like seeing you so sad,"_

_But much to his dismay, she shook her head violently. "No. I don't want to ever forget. Please!"_

_His hand found its to her cheek as he once again stared into her eyes. His expression was asking, begging. "Please, Rin-chan, forget me. Move on and be happy," He smiled sadly, taking his hand with him. At least he still cared. "Remember, you'll always have that little guardian angel hidden behind you," He paused, turning away from the girl and ignoring the look of pain on her face. "Goodbye, Rin."_

_Her blue orbs grew wide as she watched him walk away. "Please! Give me another chance!" she sobbed, but he walked away too soon. She fell to the ground as her knees buckled under her. The young girl named Rin fell to the ground as the tears became more, choking sobs. Her body trembled as her heart pumped needles into her bloodstream._

_"I'm sorry," she sobbed, her voice fading from her. "Please, I'm sorry. Come back... Please,"_

_But no sound answered her._

* * *

**Rin's POV:**  
"Why in the world was I so stupid back then?" I sighed, once again whispering to myself. The day was Tuesday as I sat at the lunch table with my small group of friends- Kaito, the ice cream lover and a senior, Meiko, another senior who can be a bit of a warrior sometimes, Miku, the hyperactive friend and a junior who loves fashion and gossip, and my true friend, Luka. The pinkette senior was the one who had been with me during this difficult time, and I could never imagine what I would do without her. And then there was me- the blonde sophomore who wasn't exactly as mature as I should be.

But back in the thoughts that haunted me. It had been three years since that day, and I could never forget. Even when he had asked me to, I just couldn't make myself forget that he had ever existed, even if it had put my happiness on the line. I never understood why.

I could never understand why I still hang onto the past like this. I know and understand that's he's never coming back, even if I could see him again. And right now, I'm not exactly sure I'd want him back. He was an excellent gentleman and a caring person, and I loved him more than anything. He loved me, but still did what he thought was best for me. I admire him for that.

But I can barely remember what he is actually like. I can barely remember what we used to do together in our spare time together. I cant clearly remember his name, and his face is a blur, but I remember his voice and his words of that one day. I can remember my mistakes. I can remember what I had done to him such a long time ago due to my stupidity and my impatience.

And maybe I was just too young for love, but that wouldn't change anything now. I've called myself a monster many times. I hurt him. What I did, it as unforgivable. I know that I'll never be forgiven for-

"Rinny!" the tealette snapped me out of my thoughts by waving a hand in front of my face. My head snapped up as I noticed the four looking at me with a slightly curious expression. My hands went to my eyes, rubbing the sudden sleepiness out of them. I guess that's what zoning out does to someone. "Earth to Rin!"

"What is it Miku?" I asked, wondering why they all decided to interrupt me from my internal thoughts.

"What were you daydreaming about?" She asked.

Daydreaming? I was...daydreaming again? I blinked quickly and replied. "What? Oh, nothing, I guess I just sorta spaced out. Heh..."

"You didn't do that so much before," Miku noted. She's right, I never was as spacey. I was more attentive and less quiet. But things changed over the years.

"I guess I was just thinking," I trailed off, thinking. Even if I had moved on, away from him, the mistake I made still lingers in me. I had hurt an innocent soul, and he took it to heart. He found it to be his fault, when it had clearly been mine. I shook my head inwardly. I would never love again. I would never have the chance of hurting anyone else, and I'd live life alone, to repent for what I have done to him.

I promise.

Little did I know that I would be tested on my oath.


	2. Last to Know

**Hey guys, It's me. =D  
Some of the only reviews really did ask "It's based on a true story"? Well, the answer is only half true. You see all the angsty parts at the beginning of these two (and every) chapters? Those angsty parts did happen to me four years ago. I will also throw in a true event here and there, and I might say where they came from. =D**

**Anyway, on a happier note, MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! My birthday was three weeks from Monday.  
IT'S ON VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE! GET ME A GOOD PRESENT!**

* * *

Time started to pass, soon turning into an hour, as the girl kneeled on the ground, shivering with sobs. Her arms wrapped around herself as if she was trying to stop herself from shattering into pieces. The boy she was with was yet to return to this park on the sunny, gloomy day. But Rin knew all too well that he was not going to return. Not now, not later, not ever; he was gone forever, and there was nothing that could change that.

Her body continued to tremble. It shook from the waves of pain crashing into her small, naive heart. Her young body shook at the intakes of breath, which were having their own little tremors of their own. This pain, it was new to her. She knew nothing of this pain; she never knew it existed. But here it was in full power and with no mercy.

Why did no one warn her of this pain? Wasn't love supposed to be a blessing?

Maybe it was nothing more than a curse.

Crying the last of the tears that her eyes still held, she unwrapped her arms from around herself and grabbed the trunk of the tree behind her. The blonde slowly tried to push herself up through her sniffles and her hiccups; she climbed up from the ground slowly, using the tree for support. After all, she had no support of her own.

Not even her broken spirit could hold her high.

One leg moved in front of her as she tried to head home. The other leg moved, slowly and shakily, in front of the other. Rin's eyes gazed downward as she continued walking, not that it mattered. Her blue eyes were blurred and her vision corrupted by the falling tears, but she still continued to walk slowly back to the direction of home.

But that didn't matter either. All this was kept in secret.

She tried regaining her composure before reaching the place she called home. The sleeves of her arms rubbed the wetness from her face as she stared, unblinking, to dry the ones remaining in her own eyes. Quick intakes of breath were held for a period of time to try and calm her sobs and quakes.

Because if she faked it, her mother would never know.

After all, she was too young for love, according to her morals.

Soon enough she was able to control her tears and her face; she was even able to control the shakes that her body had created. But she could never control the poison that remained in her heart. She'll never be able to control how it tore and bleeds. Oh, how it bleeds and bleeds inside of her. And oh, how it rip and tears and shreds with each beat of her heart.

_1.25 times a second._

The puffiness of her eyes still existed, but it was around April. Allergies could easily be blamed. Or maybe just stress of the city; after all, she was also tired and physically exhausted. Not that her heart cared.

_75 waves of poison a minute rushing through her being._

The door to her house opened up as she stepped inside, hearing the sound of her mother calling her. "Home already? I thought you were at the mall with your friend,"

Without stopping and hesitation, the blonde named Rin walked up the stairs as best as she could in her weary condition. Her voice echoed through the house as she spoke, without any hint of sadness in her voice.

_No, I was never at the mall. I was out cheating on everyone I loved. I tore out my heart and broke it in two. I'm choking on my own blood! I'm screaming in my own agony! I'm drowning in my own mistakes! No one can even hear me!_

"Meiko finally ran out of money," she lied smoothly, like she always did. It was nothing new.

Quickly the blonde named Rin stepped inside her room once she had the chance, closing and locking the door behind her; the last thing she needed was her mother walking in on her in a time like this. She dragged herself to bed, where she curled up and continued to sob tearlessly.

She felt so weak. She felt like she couldn't move, and she felt that she probably deserved not to. This young girl felt that it was her fault that he had left. She had shattered his innocent heart. Her fists clenched together in a tight ball, nails almost breaking the skin and almost causing the bright red of liquid to flow out of her body. Not that she'd ever hurt herself.

_I'm too afraid of the pain._

"Please, come back," the desperate girl whispered with a shaky breath, to no one but the empty walls around her. No one replied. Not a word was spoken in return. Weakly she lifted her head from the pillow that had grown wet with sadness, looking around her. But her strength didn't last forever as her head fell once more onto the damp pillow with a silent thud. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, don't leave me alone,"

Once again, no one answered her. She was left in the silence of a broken heart, as she remained curled up on her bed and silently wasted away.

On the nightstand beside her head, a light started to blink and shine, along with the familiar tune of 'I like you, I love you', a song that her best friend had helped her write when she had first fallen in love with-

_It hurts..._

"Hello?" her voice came out soft and vulnerable, like the rest of her was.

"Rinny?" that voice was so familiar. The only person she knew she could trust with anything. Luka.

* * *

**Rin's POV**  
My eyes opened ever so slowly as I sat up from my bed. My body felt tense, and my head was pounding, making me feel awful. I tried to rub the sleepiness out of my eyes, until I noticed how wet it felt. Fingers of mine trailed down my cheeks, revealing that they, too, were wet with drying tears, only supporting my assumption. I was crying in my sleep again.

"Another nightmare," I whispered as I reluctantly climbed out of bed, my mind still heavy and foggy from sleep. Why were these nightmares coming back so suddenly? I was finally moving on after three years. Why did they decide to come back and haunt me now?

With my mind still focused on the past, my body worked on its own to lead me into the bathroom, stopping in front of the mirror, as custom for my normal morning. Seeing my own reflection, I nearly laughed at the sight in front of me. "I look like crap,"

And it was true. My blonde hair was in tangles, and decided to stick up in all sorts of ways because of all the static running through it. Almost-dried tear stains made a salty line down my face, leading up to puffy red eyes. My cheeks were flushed, and all in all, I just looked like crap. Red, plain crap.

Walking over to the white tub, I turned the handle closest to the wall, letting the water run and warm up as I pulled the matching pajama shirt and pants off of me, leaving me bare. Holding my hand out, I felt the crystal clear liquid that fell from the metal faucet above me, waiting for the temperature to be just perfect.

Then I stepped in, letting the refreshing water hit my skin at just the right tempurature, giving me goosebumps. I let the water hit my face, washing away the tear stains and hopefully rejuvenating my dried-out eyes. I let the miracle liquid flow through my messy hair, getting out all the salty tears from my pillow and the grease and dirt that had built up.

It felt nice, having the water rain down on me, making me feel clean and refreshed.

0o0o

With my uniform on and my hair washed and brushed, I headed down the steps by twos in a cheery mood, my dream all but forgotten. I skipped into the kitchen, feeling my ribbon bounce on my head, as I stretched out my hand and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl on the island. Peeling it with once swift movement, I let my teeth sink into its fruity flesh, enjoying the sweet-and-tangy taste of the juicy fruit.

For a moment of curiosity, and with nothing else to do while I ate my food of choice, I started to look around the house. Everything was dead silent, which actually wasn't supposed to happen. Usually father and mother were around the house, trying to get everything together for work. I wonder where they could-

**CRASH! BANG-CR-SHRACK!**

Yeah, that is what we were missing.

Swallowing the last bit of my fruit, I looked up as mother skidded on the tiles, who was now looking straight at me with a perplexed manner. Her hands rested on her hips as her foot tapped on the floor; how I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the classic mother's expression. I looked up at her, waiting for it.

"Where have you BEEN?" There we go. Now the angry mother is complete.

"I was upstairs, in my room," I spoke nonchalantly and slightly questioningly, not getting what was wrong. She shook her head angrily as her nail-painted index finger pointed at the clock on the wall. She was ticked, no pun intended.

"Rin, dear, we're late!" she proclaimed, smacking her forehead with her palm. For a second my heart stopped as I looked at the clock, with the small hope that my mom was using one of her sick ways of getting me from playing sick again. That hope quickly went down the drain.

Well, fuck. This wasn't going as well as I had planned- not that it started out well to begin with. Without a second to spare I dashed around the house, pushing my own mother out of the way, grabbing my folders and stuffing them blindly into my backpack. I swung the strap over my shoulder and looked at my mother.

"Let's go!" I urged on as if she was the one who was late, and rushed outside to the car, ignoring the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. After all, I was late! My hand reached out and tried to pull open the car door, but that was another one of my larger mistakes as I realized the car was locked.

**_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_**

"RINNY!"

"Sorry, Mom!"

* * *

"Thanks mom!" I cheered, quickly flinging my orange backpack over my shoulder and running out at a fast pace towards the school gate. I just hoped I wasn't too late, for Mr. Hiyama would have my ass.

That actually sounded wrong. Heh.

But he really is _the_ strictest teacher on the entire school campus, and one of the most horrid creatures to ever step foot on the face of the Earth. If you're not in your seat by the time them bell rings, it becomes ten laps around the unit building. Oh, now you're back-talking? Two hours of detention. This crazy teacher even uses a belt on his students in some cases. A belt! Are those even legal anymore?

My legs carried me down the outside hallways as fast as they would allow me to fly. I dashed past people, probably TAs running errands or just students ditching, of course. I raced past classrooms and unit buildings, leaping over trash cans and even the occasional bench. These legs of mine never lost speed even as I sharply and abruptly turned the corners.

Until I turned the corner into unit two. Something solid seemed to be in my way, and I realized it too late. The force of the impact made me fall backwards onto the tile- my backpack had been knocked off my arms and fell to the ground in a thud, spreading some papers around the floor.

Grumbling, I got up from my current position on the floor, rubbing my backside for a moment.  
"Hey, watch it," I grumbled, looking in front of me to see who was the one that so rudely got in my way.

He shocked me at first, having the same colored hair that I had, with the exception of it being tied in a short ponytail. His blue eyes were a similar shade as my own, but it was brighter and more joyful- like his- and hidden behind square, black reading glasses. Ones that made him look good _and_ made him look smart.

And as he stood up, dusting himself off, I noticed that he was a few inches taller than me. Damn me and my freaking shortness.

Sighing, I kneeled down to pick the scattered and slightly-crumpled papers from the floor. Essays, homework, even random pieces of notes that I really didn't care for. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a hand clump together some of the papers. Looking over, I saw the boy kneel down next to me.

"Sorry about that." His voice spoke as we gathered up the papers.

"It's fine," I answered as he handed to me what he had picked up. "Thanks."

"No problem," He shrugged as he stood up. The blonde boy turned around to leave, before looking over his shoulder. "By the way, the name's Len,"

I nodded, smiling, as everything got repacked messily into my vortex-like backpack. Slowly I stood up, hands resting against the straps of the bag. "Rin," I replied once more.

"Rin, huh?" I heard that voice with a faint smirk in his tone. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Rin,"

"Likewise,"

Silence then hung in the air around us, as if we were expecting the other to add something into the conversation. One second, two, three... I guess there was nothing else to say. Turning around, I let my legs carry me to class before I would become any later than I already was. Otherwise, Mr. Hiyama would fucking kill me.

"Where are you going?" I heard Len ask as my hand reached for the door's handle. It froze in place as I turned my head, looking hard at his expression. He was kidding, right? Wasn't it obvious? But he was completely serious.

"To class. Where else?"

"I wouldn't go in there now. There's only ten minutes of class left," he shrugged, and then added, "But you can still go in there if you want to,"

"Hell no," I muttered, my hand pulling away from the door as if it was burning. There was no way- no fucking way- I was going inside that classroom. Not if I was gone for almost the entire hour. That would be suicide. Murder. Hell. Death-by-stupid.

He chuckle resonated from behind me as I started walking towards him- away from the accursed door. My face turned into a scowl as I glared at him. "What's so funny?"

The blonde haired boy shook his head sadly, still softly chuckling at my expense. I listened closely, hearing him mutter the words 'silly' and 'freshman'. My hand lost control as it punched his shoulder at the remark, and I soon started walking away.

"That hurt," he complained pitifully, his hand rubbing his shoulder. I turned to face him, walking backwards, and sticking out my tongue playfully.

"Man up, Len," I then turned back around and continued on my way, satisfied with the slight look of shock on his face. My legs carried me aimlessly around my next class's unit building. Half to myself, I grumbled, "I am not a stupid freshman,"

"You're right. I apologize," Len's voice rang out from beside me.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop on people," I scolded.

"Oh, so you don't want me to apologize?" His eyebrow raised, mocking surprise.

"_Now_ I want an apology,"

"Then I should get one. You eavesdropped on me as well,"

"Yes, I- OH! Forget this!" I screamed, throwing up my arms in distress. He was just as bad as Meiko, turning all my words around to mean something completely different. It was better to just stop it before it began, but once again, I was too damn stubborn. That, and these kinds of people are annoying.

But they do make your life interesting as well. I was starting to him.

I decided to continue our little conversation after a small moment of silence. "So, why aren't you in class?"

I turned around to face him, seeing his hand rub the back of his head. "I was finished with work, so the teacher let me out of class,"

"You ditched,"

"...Yes,"

"You baka,"

But I still started to like him anyways.


	3. A Little Deeper

**AN: I owe a good friend of mine. SO GO READ CHIIO-CHAN'S STORY, _PROJECT VOCALOID_! YOU NEED TO!**

**I know it really hasn't even been a day, but this morning I had gotten a strong want to continue this story. But understand that I'm running low on ideas. So if you want to make this story have a strong plotline, _suggest something_! ****I'm sorry this chapter's so short, but I decided to leave half of it for another chapter. So, here we go.  
****Also, if you had reviewed to my author's note, just leave an anonymous review. That way you can still respond!**

**~ Miko**

_

* * *

_

_Is it wrong to not want to love?  
Is it wrong to not want to let go?  
To want to hold it all, never once letting it out of my grasp?  
I had lost everything at such a young age.  
Because I was so naive.  
My weakness was caring too much about others.  
To the point of shattering my own happiness to keep them happy.  
So I kept each a secret from the other, because I didn't want to break them.  
To the point of shattering my own happiness to keep them happy.  
My weakness was caring too much about others._

__

_Because I was so naive.  
I had lost everything at such a young age.  
To want to hold it all, never once letting it out of my grasp...  
Is it so wrong to not want to let go?  
Is it so wrong to not want to love?_

Well, I guess some good came out of ripping another's heart in two. I grew up, I guess I could say. I became older, and finally matured. Now I can see the world for what it really, really is. And maybe, just maybe, I can repent for my sins by never falling in love again.

Because I wouldn't dare hurt another.

And if I had fallen in love again- and even at the mere dreams of it- I knew I wouldn't be able to make it. At the nightmares, my heart beats to rapidly against my chest, lurching dangerously for the guilt that would eat me alive, because I would just be betraying the one I used to love. All that I had learned would go to waste then, and this regret would eat me alive as if it had almost done three years ago.

But not if the fear deeper inside me obliterated me first.

I guess I understand why now. I'm afraid of getting too close to people. Obviously I'm afraid to hurt others, as spoken multiple times before. Sometimes I even freeze or quake because of this phobia inside of me. I guess this explains why I'm willing to stay out of the picture and remain is solitude, ripping my own heart out, if it meant not falling in love.

But maybe, I never really matured. Perhaps I'm still a small child, lost inside her own Wonderland, just like Alice. Lost inside a world that doesn't exist, trapped in her own imagination.  
Where the reality has become the dream, and the dream has become the reality.

Because, after all this, I still act like a child. I act so foolishly and so immaturely. And I cant hold my tongue. My temper would flare and I end up messing everything up. Yet I cant help it. I just don't understand why. I was supposed to learn. I'm not supposed to be naive. And yet, here I am, doing it anyway.

0o0o

The girl ran as fast as her legs would carry her down the track, trying to catch up with the others. The white bow on her head bounced as she sprinted, trying to get ahead. Her breaths came in heavy pants as she grew tired, yet she pressed on. The sticky coating of sweat covered her body as she tried to continue. But when she finally caught up, the class would find away to get ahead again.

"Hurry up, Kagamine!" The coach called from ahead of the group, looking as if she was walking, not sprinting. Yet she was fast, and the blonde girl wiped off her sweat as her legs grew more painfully tired.

"I'm trying!" The girl panted, not being heard by the rest of the group. Slowly she turned into a walk as the distance between the group and herself became almost half the track.

"Kagamine!" The coach screamed again, almost as if she was trying to motivate the slowing girl. But that wasn't helping her as she started to jog again, losing more of the energy she was trying to save. But the distance didn't even cut. It grew larger, even as the blonde continued to run to the best of her ability.

But again, as her energy ran low, the young Kagamine couldn't help but slow once more into a walk. Not that it mattered, really. As the group moved on ahead, and as the group started to reach the gates to head back inside the locker room, the girl looked down at the ground, watching her own feet walk and trying to ignore the want to cry.

She understood that this was only a class, and being left out here was only temporary. She knew that she'd probably only get a small scolding because of not following orders, then go back to the world of her life.

But deep inside her, she knew she failed this one simple task. Sure, it was a class, as previously stated, but she still failed. A sigh escaped her lips as she stared, unblinking, at her feet to dry the unwanted tears away. What would he think of her now? He'd probably be disappointed, like she was.

After all, she did fail again.

Walking through the gates on the way back to the girl's locker room, she listened to the silence in the air, wishing it to go away. The silence always made her think, as she called it, and she never liked thinking. Especially so since today didn't go so well.

The blonde haired girl slowly pushed open the door to the locker room, walking over to her assigned locker and twisting and turning the combination to her lock. And when the locker was opened, she grabbed the bag of clothes and walked into one of the bathroom stalls, changing out of her PE uniform.

But the silence still hung in the air. Sure, people were chattering and the heavy scent of perfume made her want to choke to death, but it was still silent enough to think. Shaking her head, she tried to hurry up to be the first one out the door. The blonde needed something to distract her before she lost control of her calm expression.

* * *

**Rin's POV**  
"You've haven't touched your lunch in the past fifteen minutes," Luka , one of the most wonderful friends that I could ever ask for, swept down to the lunch table and gave me a worried look. "At this point, I should be telling you to stop shoving down food down your throat. Is something wrong?"

The crowded area we were eating lunch in was packed with seniors from all over campus. Sounds of laughter, chattering, and whatnot filled the cafeteria at a large volume, and I was surprised I could still hear Luka's voice. I could feel my heart warm at her concern. She always had been a great friend, like the big sister I never had.

"It… nothing, Luka. Just tired," I attempted a weak smile as I rubbed my sore eyes, though the drop-dead gorgeous senior could easily see through. She frowned.

"Rin-chan, I've known you for - how long? Don't think you can fool me, something's up," Luka said, pushing back her long, rich pink hair over her shoulder. I recoiled back in embarrassment, sinking low in my seat. I kept forgetting how long she had been with me. Seeing this, her frown deepened. "Spill it,"

I sighed. "I was just… thinking about, you know… him,"

This time, Luka heaved a sigh. _"Rin-"_

"I know what you're thinking," I muttered, nodding shamefully. "I shouldn't keep moping about the past," Luka took a bite out of the tuna sandwich she was eating, emitting a another sigh.

"Look Rin, honey. I know it was painful for both of you back then, but you have to move on. He wouldn't want to see you like this," Having suddenly lost the rest of my appetite as the topic continued to push forward, I pushed away my tray of food. Luka shook her head in disapproval, pushing the food back towards me. "The first love doesn't always last. You did a horrible thing back then, but don't keep weighing yourself down like this,"

"I hurt him. I hurt _us_," I mumbled, barely loud enough for Luka to hear. "Now he's gone because of me. Because of what I did…" I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes, the guilt came rushing back at me full-speed. "I was so stupid, Luka! I never should've made that mistake!" I banged a weak fist against the table.

I never should've let him leave. I should've kept him when I had the chance.

I never should've let him go.

I felt a warm hand placed on my back, circling in a comforting motion. "No one is perfect, Rin-chan. We all make mistakes," Then she paused, taking a small breath before continuing. "But the past is the past. You need to find someone else,"

Immediately, my head shot up. I shook my head furiously. "No! I don't want someone else! I swore to myself I would never find someone else! He was perfect! No one could ever replace him!"

I don't want to end up hurting another innocent soul.

Luka stared at me for a moment, appearing half-exhausted and half-upset. "… Fine," She sighed, taking another bite out of her lunch. "But just please try and move on, okay? If not for yourself, at least do it for him. Now take at least three bites out of that salad or I'm cramming it down your throat,"

I bit my lip, staring down at the cold salad I purchased. I knew I didn't deserve to eat. Not after all the pain I caused.

Could I possibly move on?

I sighed. Poking at the greens in disgust. My stomach turned softly, making me feel slightly sick at the thought of eating the food in front of me. I really didn't want to eat, but when Luka made a threat, she was dead-serious. Plus, I owed her for all the times she was there to me.

I lifted my fork and took five bites instead of the three demanded of me. She seemed satisfied.

* * *

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, much to my relief. The last period of the day came, which was the point where I normally burnt out and just died. At this time, we would normally read up on books, take notes or any crap like that. It was boring and dangerous to my health, but it was the last hour of torture.

The eyes of the classroom were all avoiding the televison screen as we were watching a video on business economics. I could barely keep my eyes peeled during the first five minutes of the show. I mean, the pictures were in black and white and barely moved! And the voice... oh, the voice was pure monotone! Not even a robot could pull it off...

Then, something hit the back of my head, landing on the side of my chair. Wincing from the unexpected intrusion, I looked down and saw it was a ball of scrunched-up paper.

A note…?

I looked behind me and saw Len grinning two seats behind me, the students ahead of him apparently sleeping, which made it easier for him to hit me. I narrowed my eyes into slits as I glared at him in the darkness of the classroom.

Cocky asshole…

I scooped up the paper and opened it. I let my eyes scan the note over once before wondering how to reply. After all, it had asked a simple question:

_Want to hang out?_

I could have said so many rude replies to him, all leading to the same basic idea: where the hell did that question come from. Part of me wanted to be rude- after all, I was irritated and wanted class to end. But he was nice to me in the hallway, where most of the guys would have given me pure hell. In the end, I decided to go with something simple.

_Why?_ This is what I wrote down with my pencil onto the paper. I folded it back up and threw it, making it land not on, but next to his desk. I turned my attention back to the clock, counting the painful second that remained until the ending bell. It wasn't soon before I got my answer.

_Just because._

I snapped my head around, giving his a glare. Such a cocky asshole. But a serious question settled in my stomach again as I turned back to the note. My eyes scanned it over and over as the silence hung in the air; the only thing breaking it being the monotone voice of the narrator.

Did I want to hang out with Len? I had only met him a day or so ago. In all honesty, I didn't want to. I know I was probably taking things too far, but I'm just careful with hanging out with people. I never know how things would go.

Especially after him.

_'Damn you Len. Making me think again,'_ I internally cursed, still looking at the note. My mind was in an internal battle, thinking of what to do. Should I go or should I not go? But little did I know my hand was making the decision for me.

_Yes._

I threw back the note, thinking over and over again. What if I hadn't made the right decision? What if something happens that I don't like? Oh well. It was too late now. My decision was made and I couldn't really change it.

And if to reflect my thoughts, the bell rang, signalling the end of the day.


	4. Secrets Don't Last Forever

I'm so freaking sorry for the LATE update! I have been busy with reading both Romeo/Juliet and Hamlet at the same time for English, and just not finding inspiration to continue. So I was bored today, thinking 'I might as well start on it again.' I got it finished in a day. So, it's 4,372 words. Hopefully that's enough, right?

We finally know the name of the mystery person (which was hard to choose from. I didn't know whether to use a vocaloid for him, or use his real name. So, after much decision, I decided to use a vocaloid to represent him. No one likes original characters.) And the plot thickens, with a little RinxLen love~!

Got the idea from a PV of Len's World is Mine: /watch?v=RvAmPVMrYBQ

* * *

_It's time to sing now, caged little bird._  
_Sing to the world around you,_  
_prove nothing is wrong._  
_Fill the free people's hearts with glee-_  
_the glee you wish you could give to yourself._  
_After all, you are nothing more_  
_than a helpless caged canary._  
_Trapped in a mine of your own guilt_  
_coughing from the dust of regret,_  
_and caged in bars of your own stubbornness._  
_You sing, waiting for the day_  
_that is otherwise inevitable._  
_That coal dust is going to kill you._  
_You'll be the last to flee,_  
_If at all._  
_Warn the others so they can escape,_  
_while you stay trapped._  
_Sing, oh sing, little canary._  
_Sing for the glee you wish you can have,_  
_but are too stubborn to receive._  
_Sing for the day that will never come._

_Do you see a light, little canary? The tunnel's end, where there is fresh air? No more dust, no more smoke, and a blue sky high above you? The light is steadily growing- slowly, but definitely growing. The cage you are is starts to melt away. Do you see the hope?_

_But before you can sing of true freedom, before you can savor a true taste of the blue sky, the bars seem to double and a lock is put onto the cage. While you cry, looking frantically for the cause of this cage's extra security, the ground starts to shake violently. Rocks fall from the top of the tunnel, blocking the entrance and covering that light you have only begun to see. More of the coal's dust starts to cover the area like a think smog, causing you to choke and suffocate._

_How are you going to fly now, little canary?_

_You cry and cry, but a familiar voice calls out to you:_

_"My little canary, why do you hide yourself inside a prison?_  
_Why do you keep everything and everyone at the largest distance you can manage?_  
_Does no one deserve your love? Is that what you're trying to say?_  
_Or are you trying to say something different?_

_My little canary, why do you sing of freedom if you're the only one that is keeping the cage closed?_  
_Why do you sing with such sadness if you're the one doing this to yourself?_  
_Why do you sing with this burden in your heart, if it was never your fault?_  
_Why sing of blame, when you're no where near at fault?_

_My little canary, please don't hide from anyone else any longer._  
_Some promises were made to be broken,_  
_and there's no shame in that._  
_Because like a fire, it causes change. It burns, and sometimes destroys..._  
_But like a fire, it creates warmth and passion, and we couldn't live without it._  
_And like fire, it gives the chance for new things to grow..._

_My little canary, stop singing of the dust that fills your lungs._  
_Please, go spread your wings and fly in the clear, blue sky._  
_Stop thinking of your master that has long abandoned you in the coal mine,_  
_and find something that is worth it all._

_My little canary, can't you see?_  
_You try so hard to prevent a mistake that _might_ happen in the future._  
_You try so hard to fix the past that you can't reach._  
_You try so hard to keep your own inner beast from destroying what you love..._

_But, my little canary, can't you see?_  
_You're hurting everyone just by dying in your cage,_  
_when you could find new joy in others around you._  
_You're hurting yourself by forcing yourself to remember,_  
_instead of letting go and finding new memories to live for._  
_You're putting blame on yourself that was never your fault,_  
_and tearing your own self to pieces._

_My little canary, please fly free._  
_Lessons are to be learned from mistakes,_  
_but mistakes are not the thing to hold onto._

_Please..."_

_It's time to sing now, caged little bird._  
_Sing to the world around me,_  
_prove nothing is wrong._  
_I'll fill the free people's hearts with glee-_  
_the glee I wish I could give to myself._  
_After all, I am nothing more_  
_than a helpless caged canary._  
_Trapped in a mine of my own guilt_  
_coughing from the dust of regret,_  
_and caged in bars of my own stubbornness._  
_I sing, waiting for the day_  
_that is otherwise inevitable._  
_That coal dust is going to kill me._  
_I'll be the last to flee,_  
_If at all._  
_I'll warn the others so they can escape,_  
_while I stay trapped._  
_Sing, oh sing, little canary._  
_I'll sing for the glee I wish I can have,_  
_but I'm too stubborn to receive._  
_Sing for the day that will never come._

* * *

**Rin's POV:**

School had ended with the signaling bell. With my backpack on and one strap in my hand, I started walking home. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I stared at my moving feet, most of them involving Len and, well, him.

The first thing that had entered my mind was the blonde young man I had met today. He seemed like a caring person, and reacted with such a nice behavior after I had acted so rudely to him in the hallway; he even saved me from facing sudden doom if I had entered my first hour class. Len had this certain cheerful aura around him that wasn't too silly and dork-ish, but enough to lighten the atmosphere. His behavior almost reminds me of him...

But who is this 'he', anyway?

I always tried to force myself to remember, just like I promised. But part of me wanted him gone. I keep telling myself that I can't remember who he was, or who he is, and that I couldn't even remember his name. And maybe I can't remember all those things clearly because humans weren't made to linger on the past forever.

But not everything I say is true.

I remember who he was. He was a lot like Len, or maybe it's the other way around. He was a very kind soul. Very generous, spending as much of his free time as he could with me. But he was also a very busy person, working hard to get ahead in education and in life. But I guess that's the way it's supposed to go in this world- education is always first.

I could never see bad in him, however.

As for a name, it's starting to come back to me. How can a person forget a name? A face maybe, but never a name. I just refuse to tell myself that name, in hopes that I can let it go. But at the same time, I don't want to let the memories go.

I am just so damn confused!

I want to let it go, to stop this pain and hopefully move on. After all, It's not like I'm ever going to see this guy again. But at the same time, I don't want to let go. If I let go, I'd be letting go of everything I had ever learned.

I want to love again.

I want to never love again.

I want to be free.

I want to be caged forever!

"Gah!" I shook my head violently, trying to shake the thoughts from my brain. I had no need for this.

Sighing, my head lifted up to see where I was, only a few houses down from my own house. My steps slowed as I took in the area around me for the first time in a while. The neighborhood was nice and tidy, most of the one- or two- houses being a soft shade of white or tan. Each yard had healthy grass or a colorful collection of decorative rocks- all yards being attractive yet original in their own way. The street had the occasional cars driving down, but it wasn't the liveliest street out there. And it was quiet and peaceful, with children playing outside and the birds chirping happily.

A smile climbed up my face for the first time since my thinking had started up again. With a new attitude, I started walking up to my house, opening the door, with a key, without any indication of me being home.

There wasn't much sound inside except for the TV going on about some great new product or another the world couldn't live without, meaning I was probably home first again. My feet dragged me over to the living room, while my body flopped itself onto the couch. I reached for the remote for the television, starting to flip through it.

"Garbage. Trash. Nah. Not interesting enough. I don't even know what the hell this is... Come on!" I groaned after finding absolutely nothing on. With nothing else to drive me, I switched the TV off and stared at the blank, black screen. Silence filled the room as my mind started to bring up the subject from last hour.

Do I really want to go out with Len?

"It's not really going out, is it?" I asked to nothing but the empty air. "I mean, I just met him and all, and we're just hanging out. After all, there's no such thing as true love. You have to work for love, and work even harder to keep it. You have to work almost as hard as you do to keep a promise. That's what you taught me, isn't it?"

No one answered my question.

My heart started beating in my hears and my throat with a beat like wild drumming. It started hurting- not as bad as the lashing, merciless pain from three years ago, but rather a dulled, humming ache. One you might feel from a cut that never completely healed. I could feel water running down my cheeks slightly, causing my hands to reach up to my face and remove the small amount of tears from it. My voice was released in the form of a shaky sigh.

"Why do I still think about you?"

No sound arose from the house I was in for several moments. In those moments I laid still, listening to the sound of my breathing and the sound of my heart beat slowing back down to normal. After all, it had been three long years.

My silence was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing from the coffee table in front of me. My hand reached for it and brought it back, letting me see who it was. And I hesitated. I listened to the rings go by- once, twice- before finally picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Rinny!" The cheerful voice answered to me, and I could practically see the smile behind the phone that was appearing on the girl's face.

"Hey Miku," I spoke nonchalantly, not as excited as I should be. Wouldn't most girl's my age be completely jittery and nervous before a date? I was nervous yes, but not excited... I was more on my guard than anything. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, but I heard you got a date with Len~" Miku sang in her singsong voice. My body flinched as my mind collected what she had said. So that's what people thought.

"We're not on a date! We're just hanging out," I wish people would just stop assuming.

"_Sure_ you are. You've just _happened_ to run into one of the most wanted guys on campus, and you just so _happen_ to be hanging out with him. Such a _believable_ story, Rinny-kins,"

That's when I felt my temper rise. "I am NOT going out with him!" I growled.

"Alright, Rinny. Whatever you say," Her voice continued in a whispering tone, "But you have to admit he's hot,"

I sighed into the phone, "No, I don't admit it. Miku, you know I don't look for this kind of thing. Besides, he's more fit for yaoi bait than anything else,"

"But Rinny-kiiiiins~" she sang, "That's just the problem! You need to start looking! You're practically the only one in school that hasn't had a date. Well, except for those freshmen, and you don't want to be labeled as one, do you?"

"No, I don't. But-"

"No buts, Rinny. That's it! I got a plan,"

"What is this master plan of yours?"

"You'll find out soon. I'll be over in ten minutes,"

"Wait! Miku-!" but a click told me she had already hung up. Another one of the repeating sighs escaped my lips as I waited for the doom that this aqua-haired girl was going to bestow upon me.

* * *

**Regular:**

A scowled remained plastered on Rin's face as she watched the mirror's reflection- there she was, sitting on a stool in front of the dresser as the aqua-haired girl stood behind her, running a brush delicately through the blonde locks of hair. She seemed to have a concentrated look on her face, as if taking apart a ticking bomb. She tried to get every stand just perfect- every strand in place.

"Is this really necessary?" Rin asked, her eyes rolling upwards to see what the other girl was doing to her hair in the reflection. On Miku's wrists were hair ties, each with a white flower on them. She slowly and perfectly gathered two pigtails from the blonde hair, tying them in place with the hair ties.

"It's perfectly necessary, Rinny-kins!~" she sang, smiling at the reflection as her hands pulled away from the blonde locks. "You look so cute!"

"I look like you," Rin replied, raising an eyebrow at the fact that her friend would use her own style on her. In the reflection the aqua-haired girl just smiled back, completely proud of your work.

"But you pull it off so well!" Her hands reached for the dresser as she grabbed some blush and other make-up products. At the sight of such a thing the blonde continued to scowl, obviously not liking the idea of having make-up.

"I am not wearing that," she grumbled, turning away.

"Why do you have to be so difficult, Rinny?" Miku whined, "Don't you want to look cute for your little date this evening?"

"It's not a date!" she growled, whipping her body around to face the Hatsune. There was a few seconds of silence, before the blonde sighed. If Miku didn't have her way, she'd find a way. So Rin gave in, closing her eyes. "Go ahead,"

The Hatsune gave a small giggle before going on and applying a soft shade of pink to the blonde's cheeks, spreading it evenly and blending it in professionally. Soon a soft shade of blue was added to her eyelids, then a very thin layer of lipstick. After a quick check to make sure everything was nice and perfect, Miku said with a nod, "All done. And you look perfect,"

Rin had only a moment to take in her reflection- she found her appearance to be more mature, with the exception of the pigtails, and a lot more attractive than on a normal basis- before some thoughts started to come back to her. She looked like she was going to an official date, and she never wanted that. She didn't want to date.

Her stomach started to twist slightly with nervousness.

"Now, time to put on the outfit," Miku sang.

* * *

The time was now around five; the sun was still a couple hours from setting. The sky was a nice shade of blue, with clouds nowhere to be seen. Birds sang in some nearby trees of the city park where a certain young gentleman waited patiently for someone to arrive. He could hear the laughter of children from the nearby playground, giving the area a sense of security. He smiled to himself, finding it to be a fine time to be out.

The sound of footsteps soon caught his attention as he turned around, spotting a familiar looking girl not too far away. Her blonde hair was tied into pigtails with white flower hair ties, and she wore an orange decorative blouse with a silky white skirt. He chuckled slightly, seeing how cute and innocent she looked with this outfit. "Hey," he called out to her.

"Hey yourself," Rin smiled, slightly embarrassed by the fact that Miku made her dress up for a date that never was while the boy in front of her was in a simple uniform- a red shirt covered by his black hoodie, and khaki shorts.

With a small awkward silence remaining in the air, neither Rin or Len knew what to do in this particular moment. Without much inspiration, the sophomore boy held out his hand for the girl with a small smile on his face. "How about a walk?"

She hesitated slightly before taking his hand. After all, they were just hanging out, right? "Sure,"

The two walked down the sidewalk path together, just relaxing and enjoying everything around them in this city park. The scent of fresh earth and barbecues were covering the air, and the continuing sounds of laughing children and birds echoed throughout the park. Looking around, the two took in the sights of the deep green pines and the autumn reds and oranges of all the other plants around.

Distracted by all the wonders of the scenery, the blonde girl mistook her step and started falling to the ground, only having time to catch herself with her arms. She landed with a thud on the ground, and her face twisted with slight pain from the fall. Without hesitation, Len turned to her, kneeling on the ground next to her. "Are you alright?"

Rin looked up at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. "I'm not sure,"

"Can you walk?"

Carefully she tried getting up from the ground, only to collapse again onto the sidewalk. She winced slightly from the ache radiating from her ankle, before showing the obvious answer with a shake of her head. With a second of thought, Len held out his hand to her, grabbing her by the shoulders and slowly lifting her off the ground.

Not before long he was carrying her piggy back style, heading over to a nearby bench not far from they path they were currently on. Len gently set her down onto the bench before kneeling down to check the injury to Rin's ankle. Meanwhile, Rin took this time to mentally curse Miku for the dress-up.

"It doesn't look that bad," Len spoke up, before taking a small bit of medical wrap from a small first aid kit and wrapping it around the injury. She hissed under her breath, before speaking out loud.

"Damn Miku. I told her I didn't need to dress up, now look where I am," she growled, cursing her friend. She waited until he was done before a question popped into her mind. "Why are you carrying around the first aid anyway?"

"My mother's a bit overprotective," he answered with a slight chuckle, putting everything back into the first aid box, and returning the box itself back into his pocket. Len got up, only to sit next to the blonde girl on the bench. She only responded with somewhat of a giggle herself.

"Probably not as bad as my mother. She probably wouldn't let me go outside if she heard about us hanging out,"

This caught Len's amusement. "And why is that?"

"She's just mom, I guess," Rin shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips. Her heart started to flutter slightly while sitting next to this boy, both of them enjoying the comfortable atmosphere around them.

"Looks like it's going to be winter soon," Len spoke up after a few moments of silence, hoping to bring up a new conversation. With raised eyebrows, Rin looked in his direction.

"How do you know that?"

He smiled, running a hand through his blonde hair and pointing up at the flock of birds flying high in the sky. They flew together in perfect unison, with synchronized dives and rises- even the occasional flap of the wings were completely together. They were all a single unit, together, and free. Rin couldn't help but smile at the sight. "When you see all the birds gather into huge groups, it means it's going to get colder,"

"I hope it does,"

"Why?" now it was the young boy's turn to ask the question.

"Because that means Christmas is around the corner, silly," she smiled full out at him, feeling the fuzziness in her chest as she did so. There was nothing holding back the joy she felt around him. Not regret, not fear, not guilt. It was purely happiness that hung in the air.

Maybe this is what new beginnings are for.

Without warning he reached his hand out to her head, letting it rest in her golden locks for a second. She looked up, confusion on her face before he shook his hand, completely undoing the pigtails and letting her hair lay flat among her shoulders as normal.

"What was that for?" She asked him. He smiled in her direction, lowering his hand so it rested over hers. A small blush formed on Rin's face as he did so, but she did not let out any sign of rejection to the gesture.

"I think you look cuter just like that,"

That warm feeling in her chest doubled, making her smile blossom. Her cheeks grew even redder at the compliment, and a small giggle erupted from her mouth. One that caused Len's smile to grow as well.

The comfortable silence sat between them for a while before their faces grew closer together ever so slowly. Both pairs of crystal blue eyes slipped closed as their lips almost brushed together.

He liked her.

She liked him.

_'I remember who he was. He was a lot like Len, or maybe it's the other way around. '_

Rin's blue eyes shot open as she pulled away, her skin turning pale at the sudden thought that had entered her mind. She felt sick and disgusted with herself in that moment. Len looked at her, concern resting in his eyes as he looked at her sudden change of heart.

"Rin, are you-"

"I'm... I'm fine. I have to go," Without hesitation, Rin shot up and started to walk back down the path, trying to hide her small limp. Many of the thoughts from before shot through her mind as she walked down the path alone, most of the recalling what she had headed into this evening.

She kept trying to tell herself she was just hanging out, but it didn't turn out that way. She kept trying to tell herself that it was impossible to fall in love with a person so suddenly, but she fell for Len so quickly. Tears started to fall down her blue eyes as she realized how close she was to breaking the promise she made three years ago. Pain started to cover her heart as she realized that she was now in a rabbit's hole.

She fell in love with Len.

She promised to never fall in love again.

"I... I can't fall in love again," she whispered to herself when she entered the secluded area of the park. "I promised I'd never love again. To think I was so careful... Why? Why did I have to fall again?"

Tears fell down her face faster as she fell to the ground, weeping.  
"I can't be in love with him! I promised you I'd never fall in love again," She started losing her voice to the sobs that constricted her throat. "It was because I fell in love that I hurt you! Please, don't make me move on! I said I wouldn't move on! I don't want to break my promise. I dont want to break my promise to you, Mikuo!"


	5. Behind Her Back

Hi People! Sorry it took so long to get the next chapter up! I was planning for this to be up for quite sometime, but I couldn't ever get to this because I just couldn't master Luka's personality. It took some time, but I had Chiio-chan work on this with me, and it really payed off. **So next time you see Chiio-chan, tell her thank you! BECAUSE WITHOUT HER, THIS CHAPTER WOULD HAVE COME OUT SO HORRIBLY!**

Also, I would want everyone who has favorited this story to review this time. And I mean EVERYBODY! Nothing makes me more depressed than a lack of views. So please, help me out. **Let's aim for 27 reviews, alright! No! AIM FOR HIGHER!**

Anyway, here we go...

* * *

_At one point, I felt like I could take on the entire world…_  
_If I only had you at my side._  
_Money, clothes, possessions- none of that mattered to me._  
_Just being with you gave me enough happiness._  
_But now you're gone._

_Farther gone than I can possibly reach._  
_And It's all because of me._  
_I keep asking myself why I had done such a thing._  
_And now I know the answer._

_But I still don't understand why I kept _lying!  
_I lied to you, to him, to everyone._  
_I guess it's true what everyone says:_  
_You just can't make everyone happy._

_So I stopped trying._

_I know I made people cry sometimes,_  
_and it adds more of a burden to my heart._  
_I broke so many hearts._  
_And their pain is added to my own._  
_I just can't emphasize that enough._

_But after thinking and praying so many nights,_  
_I realized who I really was..._

_I was made to be the Devil's child._  
_It was my nature to break others._  
_No matter how much I wish I was the innocent and kind child I was,_  
_I can never go back._

_I might as well have just committed murder._

_No..._  
_I might as well have committed mass murder. _

_They say God forgives everything,_  
_but I keep asking myself:_  
How can anyone forgive me?  
_After all, I'm nothing more than the Devil's child._  
_I was probably sent by him just to make his job easier._

_People think that murder is the ultimate sin._  
_But after people die, they find peace._  
_But if you wound them with something that could never heal..._  
_That would easily scar..._  
_They will never find peace._

_Let's face it._  
_I'm the daughter of Satan..._

* * *

**Luka's POV**  
I re-dialed the phone number I knew so well by heart, putting the phone to my ear as soon as I was done. My heart pounded in my ear as I waited for the voice I knew for so long. I was anxious, listening closely as my eyes closed. Please just answer...

_Ring…_

Please pick up.

_Ring…_

Come on...

_Ring…_

". . ."

On the other side of who-knows-where, I heard a click of a button. A let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. Rin's voice immediately giggled into the receiver, making me glad I was finally glad to reach her..

"_Oh, hey!"_

"Rin-" I began, my voice giving away the concern I help for the girl..

"_-Rin Kagamine here. If you received this voicemail, it means I'm not available right now. But leave me a message and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can! Thanks!"_

Damn voicemail. Damn cell phone! Just damn it! I slammed the phone down with a groan, hearing the loud crash as the phone and it's holder made harsh contact. All my hope had been suddenly tossed out the window.

It's been nearly two weeks since the last time Rin showed up at school. I've looked around for her everyday, even going so far as to track down her friends and asking of her whereabouts. There was no success. Zip, none, nada. It drove me crazy trying to contact this girl, and yet there was still nothing.

I collapsed on the love seat in my room, throwing up my arms in the air in defeat and groaned. During my cry of frustration a soft fluff of black, orange and white sprung into my lap and affectionately rubbed up against me; she purred and wove all around me, demanding the affection and the attention she desperately craved. I sighed, giving in and stroking her rich white-coated neck. "Dammit, Shino… I wonder what could've happened to her," I said to her with an annoyed puff. "What do you think?"

"Meow."

"You think Rin's sick or something? I mean, there has been a flu going around the school…"

"Mrow."

"You're right, she's not one to get sick. How about… family?"

"Mrow-ow..."

"I didn't think so either. She would've called me up about it,"

"Meow. Meow-ow."

"Better yet, she would've come over here and ransacked the entire orange stock while crying her eyes out,"

"Meow."

"Yes, and the yogurt too..."

"Meow Meow Mrow."

"Hell no! That girl better not touch my tuna! I don't care how close we are, _no_one touches the tuna!"

"Me…Meow?"

"Except for you, of course."

"Mrow! Meow..."

"Well, anyway, I'm still worried about that kid. I've been taking care of her since she was in sixth grade. I guess that's why she always looks up to me, right?"

"Meow."

"Aww. You're so sweet, you know that, Shino? I don't consider myself that much of a good big sis, but thanks anyway."

"Meow."

"Yeah, I really love her too. Hell, I'd pick her over Luki any day."

"Meow."

"We both would, obviously."

"Meow."

"I know, right?"

"Meow."

"So, you're talking to your cat now?" At the sound of that younger voice, I spun my head around to see the one who had spoken so abruptly. A tall, lanky boy with shaggy pink hair was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed. A cocky smirk lined that annoying little face of his, completing his look of smugness. "I can say you've definitely gone crazy, sis." I sent him a slightly narrowed look, for he was starting to get on my nerves.

"Eavesdropping isn't polite, y'know."

The thirteen-year-old grinned much like the cheshire cat, raising his hands in mock defeat. "Sorry, sorry." Then without asking permission, he walked right into my room and relaxed himself on my queen-sized bed. This brought another jolt of annoyance through that nerve. Uh, can you say rude much? I, however, decided to let it slide. Instead, I began playing with Shino's ears, smiling slightly as she leaned forward to be petted.  
"So, what're you doing here, kiddo?" I asked.

I heard Luki hop off the mattress, his footsteps coming towards me. Before I knew it, he had his arms around my neck, snuggling me in a cuddly, affectionate way. "Sis~… " He began to sing in a voice dripping with sweetness and sugar-filled goodness. I fought the need to roll my eyes, knowing what was coming. "You know, your hair looks _great_today! It looks so soft and straight, did you use some cool hair product or something?" At this statement I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Since when did he pay attention to my hair?

"… No, I haven't,"

"Oh well. It looks great anyway! And I just really like your taste in clothes. Sis, you're always so breathtakingly gorgeous!" Though these comments were nice, he was laying it on a bit too think. Isn't he? "And sis is always so nice… in fact, I wanna be just like sis when I grow up~!" I almost scoffed.  
He wanted something, I knew it. The signs were there.

"Okay, alright, enough," I shrugged away his touch and turned to look at him with a no-nonsense look. It was all business from here on. "Tell me what you did." He appeared to look insulted, which was pulled off quite nicely.

"What the-! Luka! How could you say something like that? And about me!"I merely looked at him, my expression being unchanged.

"What did your friends tell you this time?"

"And to think I once looked up to you!" Luki continued melodramatically, shaking his head in disappointment. "But I guess that's passed. Well, there's always-" I sighed, reaching into my pocket and pulling on a brown wallet. If it would get rid of him...

"Whatever. How much do you need?" Luki immediately stopped, his eyes lit up and a look of pure ecstasy crossed his face.

"Luka~!" The seventh-grader happily flung his arms around me again, nuzzling me again. "You're awesome, you know that? This is why I love you! Okay, I just need twenty-five bucks. That should cover it," Wait. Did I hear this correctly? I pulled out of his hug and gaped at him.

"Twenty-five dollars?"

"It's for something important," Luki answered with all the seriousness etched on his face, "Really, I swear!" I stared at him suspiciously, scowling. I shook my head.

"Damn it, kid. I swear you're gonna be the death of me." I muttered as I fished out the cash. Before I handed it to him, however, I gave him a dangerous glare. "You better pay me back this time, or I'm telling Rin about the bra incident." His entire face flamed with embarrassment and shock. I couldn't help but smirk.. This brat brother of mine had a giant crush on Rin, one she couldn't shake off no matter how much she tried. After all, he never gave up.

"I-I swear I will!" Luki's hands began to twitch nervously as I continued smirking at him. "Really, sis!" I gave him a cheeky grin before pulling on his cheek.

"D'aaaaw, you're just so cute," I continued to stretch out that cheek of his, making him wince in pain. He began to whine and I laughed, shoving the money against his chest. "Whatever. Now scram." A happy grin plastered on his face and he planted a big, wet kiss on my cheek.

"You're the best! Love you!" I watched him as he scrambled out of my room, laughing. Then I got up and collapsed on my bed, sprawling my entire body out on the silk sheets with Shino flicking her tail against my face. I stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. At a time like this, I couldn't help but wonder what Rin was doing…

Another sigh escaped my lips while I was closing my eyes. One particular thought rushed through me.

Rin hadn't always been like she was today; in fact, there once was a time she was childlike and carefree. Back then, she'd always greet everyone with sweet, infectious smiles. Her gorgeous blue eyes would spark with life and her bubbly nature would fill up the entire room, making everyone feel at ease. Back then, she was so happy and no sadness existed.

Back then, everyone knew her as her old, mischievous self. But that was before… she fell in love and made a terrible mistake at the same time.

Years ago, she had been seeing Mikuo.

Mikuo was the guy Rin had been dating for several months, he was everything she desperately wanted in a guy. Smart, handsome, charming… and he could win anyone with his casual attitude and winning smiles many girls swooned over him at school, including Rin herself. The two had been friends since fifth-grade, and over the years, both grew intense feelings for one another, though they had been always the best of friends.

When the winter started to feel at home, during the time of Christmas Eve and two days before Rin's thirteenth birthday, Mikuo finally built the courage to ask Rin out. She, of course, accepted his offer and they've been happily dating ever since… Oh wait, did I say 'happily'? That's my mistake.

To clarify, Mikuo had always been a busy guy. His schedule revolved heavily around sports, academics, and family troubles. He couldn't help being put under that major stress load, he never had time for us, his friends, or even Rin. At that time, he was trying to solve everything on his own. Though I could tell he tried his hardest to balance everything out.

As for Rin… At first, Rin tried supporting Mikuo's cause, giving him the space he needed. But after almost three weeks, she grew bored of the cold, now distant relationship between them and began dating other guys behind Mikuo's back, much to my disapproval. I told her she was being stupid, that it would not only hurt Mikuo, but herself as well. However, she chose not to listen. And eventually, Mikuo found out…

I felt my mind drift off into a restless space, my muscles gradually relaxing with each breath I took.

Yes…

I recalled that time just as if it had happened yesterday.

It was that day…

Rin had completely lost herself.

* * *

_I poked the end of my pencil in the corner of my mouth, scowling slightly at the difficult problem before me. I hated algebra so much. It drove me crazy, seeing how elaborate and complicated these problems got. For once, I agreed with Rin. It was better just to guess and check sometimes. After all, I'd only need this if I went into __construction... My thoughts were interrupted by the voice of my mother._

"_Luka? There's a phone call for you!" Mom called from downstairs, making me glance up. I sighed in relief, thankful for a sudden distraction._

"_Coming!" I bolted put from my bed, rushing out my room as quickly as I could. Practically zipping down the stairs, I jumped two steps at a time to get to my destination. I met up with mom in the living room; the phone was in her hand._

"_It's from Rin. She says it's urgent." Mom said, concern in her voice while her face held a slight look of worry. "Is everything alright? It sounded like she was crying on the phone…" _

_I blinked in surprise. _"_Really?"_

"_Yes… well, I suppose I should get back to making dinner then," Mom handed me the phone and walked back into the kitchen, leaving me alone._

"_Rin?" I hesitantly spoke into the receiver. Sniffles and gasps came from the other end of the line. _  
_"L-Luka…" I heard Rin's weak, nasal-filled voice answer me back in reply. "I… I didn't k-know who else to call…" She hiccuped through a slight sob. Her voice was full of so much agony, mixed with something else that I didn't know. That was all I needed to I bolt back into my room. I locked the door behind me, giving me the privacy I needed with my best friend._

"_What happened?" I demanded with worry, sitting back in a chair._

"_M-Mikuo. He- He broke up with me,"_

_My eyes widened and jaw dropped open. Disbelief started to flow through me, thought I knew Rin wouldn't dare lie about such a thing. "What? Why?" _

_Her breathing came out ragged and uneven, she took deep gasps. _"_He found out…"_

_Realization hit me dead-on as soon as I processed what she just said. He had found out about all the others... This wasn't good at all. A coldness filled up within me, making my entire body numb; I couldn't feel anything as my focus was only on the situation at hand.._

"_Oh God... Rin…"_

"_God, I was so stupid! I made a terrible mistake! And now look at what happened…" Rin uttered, choking back another sob. "I should've listened to you. I shouldn't have done such a thing! I just shouldn't of!" she started to cry in hysteria._

"_Where is he now?" I asked, trying to calm her down._

"_G-Gone."_

"_What?" I couldn't understand what she meant by 'gone.' Where could he have possibly gone?_

"_H-He left me…! He left me there alone! And I c-can't find him anywhere... H-he's gone, Luka! A-All b-because of m-me! I hate myself!" Rin sobbed guiltily, to the point where she began hiccuping uncontrollably. I suddenly felt weak and helpless, seeing that I could do nothing to take away her pain. There was nothing I could do, and it made me sick inside. In the most gentle voice I could muster, I tried to soothe her with comforting words. It's all __I could do..._

"_It's okay, shh. Take deep breaths and just let it all out, Rin."_

"_I-I begged him to stay! I told him we could start over, that I could fix this, that we could have a fresh start! B-But he didn't! He wouldn't listen to me! I loved him, Luka! I did; I really did... D-Didn't he love me back? Oh why! Why! WHY did everything have to come to this?"_

"_Shhh… It's okay now. Do you need me to come over?"_

_A silence. My heart started to beat in my throat as no answer came from the other side. Seconds passed, my mind racing wildly. What would she do now? What happened? Question after question raced forever in my mind, finding no answer. Suddenly out of the silence her voice spoke._

"… _If only I had listened to you, if only I had talked to him first… none of this would've happened," Rin's voice suddenly grew quiet, she spoke softly through her remaining sniffles. "Mikuo meant everything to me. Luka, he was always there, sticking with me through all the good and bad times. He was all I ever wanted… and now he's gone." A pause. "I loved him so much… I really did. But maybe it would've been better off if we hadn't known each other at all." Rin's words sounded odd. They sounded much more colder, almost… monotone._

"_Rin…" I couldn't say anything else._

"_Now I understand I don't deserve someone like him. I've been selfish all this time, using and clinging to him. In the end, all I've ever done was hurt him," Rin spoke, "But now it's too late to take it all back. Now I can never forgive myself," My tongue lay limp my mouth, words seemed helpless now._

"_Mikuo was my one and only love. I had dreamed we would have a future together," A laugh escaped from the other end of the line, but it sounded harsh and unpleasant. "But it seems that fantasy won't become reality. I ruined that chance. Let's face it. Dreams and fairy-tales never did exist, did they? They never will,"_

"_Ri-"_

"_I swear, Luka," Rin cut me off, her voice now bitter and full of self-hatred. "I swear on this day, for Mikuo, myself, and any other innocent soul out there…"_

"_Rin?"_

"… _I will __**never**_ _love again,"_

_Click._

"_Rin?" I tried to reach her, but only the empty buzz of the phone replied..._

* * *

Ever since that day, Mikuo truly had disappeared. No one could find him or his family, he hadn't told anyone else about his sudden departure. Meiko, Kaito, Miku, and I, we all missed him, dearly. But it was obvious Rin missed him the most. She was traumatized to the point where she had to be hospitalized for several days before being released. By then, she had completely changed and also forgotten about Mikuo… about his name, home… _everything_.

Though, a few days later, Rin would have nightmares about him and would sometimes end up at my house, shaking and sobbing in my arms about Mikuo.

Rin was no longer the happy, cheerful girl she once was… now, she was empty and colorless. A tortured animal, that's all she was.

Just then, my phone rang. Glancing over, I saw that the collar I.D. belonged to one of my good friends, ad a friend of Rin's as well, Miku. I reached over and answered with a slight smile, relieved to be able to talk to someone.

"Heya, Miku."

"_Luka!" _Miku's high-pitched voice was filled with grief and worry, which sparked my concerns. _"I am so sorry, I really am! Please don't get mad at me for this! I mean, I know I should've called you sooner, but Rin's in hot water and-!"_

"Whoa, girl. Take five." I cut her off, sitting up. Worry started to race through me, making my ears beat in sync with my heart. "What happened? What's this about Rin? Do you know something?"

"_Well, it's…"_ Miku seemed to hesitate. _"… I think I might know the reason to why Rin hasn't been showing up at school. But… oh! She made me promise not to tell anyone about this, not even you! But she seriously needs help and I hate keeping secrets from friends, y'know? B-but, it'd make me a bad friend if I broke that promise! AGH! What should I do?"_She wailed in distress, obviously conflicted. I would've rolled my eyes at her childishness, but seeing how serious the situation was, I decided to step up and be mature. There was no time for goofing off.

"If this has to do with Rin's well-being, then I think you should tell me. Otherwise, if it's just something small and embarrassing, don't. But if I were you, I'd go with the first choice," And just like that, the girl spilled.

"_Okay, okay! So there's this reeeeeeally cute guy in our grade and his name is Len! He just started recently hanging around Rin since he totally likes her and she likes him back even though she won't admit since it's sooooooooooooo obvious! I mean, what's not to like about him? He's totally hot, kinda shota and girly, yes, but still! He has such beautiful blue eyes! and a cute nose! Oh! And did I mention his butt looks baby soft? I just wanna go over there and-"_

"Three things," I interrupted calmly, cutting off her pointless rant. I needed to know what was wrong with Rin. "One, _breathe_. Two, stick with the important things." On the other line, I heard the teal-haired girl take deep breaths. "And three, cut to the chase. I get there's this what's-his-face guy who's been hanging around Rin… does he like her?"

"_Well, I just said that,"_ Miku puffed indignantly. _"And obviously, Rin likes him back."_I rose an eyebrow in pure interest.

"Really now?"

"_Yup! She totally blushes at the mention of his name!"_

"So, what happened between them?" Pure curiosity was burning through me.

A giggle from the other end of the line echoed from the phone. _"Weeeeell, Len asked her on a date several days ago! And get this, Rin said 'yes'! That's proof she likes him! That girl's in luuuuuuuuurve again!"_ She sang. I merely scoffed at her words. _"But… there's one thing I realized, that… Len is almost exactly like Mikuo."_I nearly froze at the mention of his name.

"What?"

"_It's true! When I first met him, he acted a lot like Mikuo! Polite, friendly, charming… they're a lot similar!"_

So, Rin had fallen for this 'Len' guy because his personality resembled Mikuo's? Could this possibly be the reason for... Oh no… "Tell me about the date! Something must have happened then!" I commanded, every nerve in my body racking in high alert. Adrenaline was rushing through me as a few drops of sweat poured from my forehead.

"_W-Well, I was waiting at Rin's house to wait for her until the date was finished. When she got back, she told me Len had tried to kiss her,"_

"Did she reject him?" I asked quickly.

"_W-Well, yes." _My heart dropped. "_But… not at first."_

Immediately, a hope swelled up in me. My eyes popped open in excitement, not expecting this at all. "Really?"

"_Yes, I mean,"_ Miku took a deep breath, _"Rin really likes him, I can tell. And it's not because of the fact his personality somewhat relates to Mikuo's… it's different,"_ She paused, trying to find a way to describe what she was trying to say. _"Maybe she really did want to kiss him, but… her guilt over Mikuo was probably what got in the way,"_

I understood now. Rin- she could love again! I mean, yes, she was obviously still worn down because of her past relationship with Mikuo, but there was hope! She could move on, slowly but surely!

"_But now, Rin's really hurt and confused. She asked me to leave after that and I haven't seen her since. But, maybe the fact that Len reached out to her while she was in pain is the reason why she has affections for him. But, the fact that she once hurt someone she loved… that's what gets in the way of her ability to open up! She's still feeling guilty about-!"_

"… About Mikuo!" I finished, realization hitting me dead-on. "But we could change that!"

"_Or rather, Len could!"_

Len… I sank my body against the bed, hopeful thoughts rising within me. Because all this time, Rin thought she could protect others by keeping her distance. She chose not to love and cut herself off from reality. But in the end, she really lost herself. Mikuo moved on, but Rin didn't… She was living inside an unreal, painful delusion.

But, just hearing she was growing attached to another boy; to be hearing that she was finally falling in love again! That had to be a sign. Maybe this 'Len' was the one to save her!

"Tell me more about this 'Len." I spoke, grabbing a pencil and notebook. "Where can I find him? What classes does he have?"

* * *

**Len's POV**

". . ." I refused to speak.

"C'mon, you're not still hung up about that Rin chick, are you?" A voice called to me.

". . ."

"Yeah, Len. She probably did have somewhere to go, it's not that she didn't want to kiss you… at least not until the end, right?" Another voice chimed in.

". . ."

"God, Len. Cheer up already, it's not the end of the world," the first voice called out to me again.

". . ."

"You're really depressing, you know that?" the second voice grumbled.

"Shut up…" I finally spoke.

A gasp from the second voice echoed in the surroundings. "It speaks!"

"… Ugh."

Let me be the one to ask this. If you were on a date with this girl who you _really_ like, and I mean really liked, and while the two of you were having an awesome time you pulled a move on her- say, and you tried to kiss her. Well, what happened when you two were _this_close to kissing, only to have her suddenly reject you and run off?

What would've you have done then? How would you feel? Well, I seriously feel like killing myself right now. And that's rare coming from me, because I consider myself an optimist in life. But something like this made me really feel nothing more than dirt. Even lower than dirt, really. Because, I tried to kiss Rin. And totally got spurned.

Ha ha ha…

Ha…

…

I just wanted to sit there and sob forever. But I couldn't at the moment because I was eating. Eating and crying at the same time, that's a terrible combination. Plus it would totally ruin my image, not that I really cared at the moment. I had been shot down, after all.

But anyway, Rin hadn't shown up again today.

"Show some balls, man!" Akaito pounded my back roughly, shooting me a cheery grin. "There are other chicks out there, y'know!"

"That's right!" Gumiya added beside me, sharing the same grin. "Hell, there's at least twenty girls in the school who look like that girl."

"Yeah! Like that new girl, Lily. Man, she has _huge_boobs!" I rolled my eyes, shooting them glares.

"I don't care about other girls. It's Rin I like, okay?"

Akaito gave me a weird look. "Explain. What's got you so hooked up on her that we don't see? I mean, sure, she's hot as far as flat-chested chicks go, but she's sorta creepy, you know? Like the entire world is out for her blood?"

I frowned, knowing that part was true. I took a bite out of my banana and chewed. As much as I didn't like to admit it, Akaito was right. Rin, she was a strange girl. Somewhat mean and sarcastic. But, at the same time, she just had a sweet side you just couldn't ignore.

And at times, she'd act like a totally different person…

"_Hey! It's a rainbow!" Rin exclaimed beside me as we walked out the doors of the building. She was pointing up at the clear blue sky, which was no longer crowded with dreadful rain clouds. Instead of following her gaze, however, I was looking at something else. Her face was bright with childish delight and her lips curled into an excited-looking grin. "I mean, look! Isn't it pretty? Ah, there's so many colors!" I noticed her eyes were clear and sparking with life instead of the usual dark haziness. I rose an eyebrow at this._

"_Rin?" I finally asked, making her look at me._

"_What?" Rin asked with a small pout, which looked pretty cute on her. But seeing her act like this, it was strange. It was like she had completely changed into someone different. But I didn't mind, actually. Seeing her so happy, it brought a strange warmth to my heart. I couldn't understand why, but I didn't care._

"_Hey, hello?" A hand waved in front of me, blocking the view and bringing me out of my thoughts. I blinked when her pout dissolved into a frown. "Why are you staring at me like that?"_

"_N-no reason," I replied quickly, trying to hide my embarrassment. I could feel my face starting to burn up with a blush. "I just didn't know you were that kind of girl. That's all,"_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" Rin asked, sounding insulted. Her old self had returned._

"_I mean, well," I looked at her, chuckling. "Rainbows? Do they like, specify something important to you?" Rin stared at me for a while, and then the weirdest thing happened. She smiled. I blinked, feeling in heat rise in my cheeks._

"_A rainbow signifies a new beginning, didn't you know that?" Rin said, laughing lightly. She stepped up onto the bridge, gazing up. "As soon as you see one, something good will happen to you later on. At least, that's what folks always used to say when I was little. It happened to Noah after the flood. It was a new beginning, and good things were to come after the first rainbow..." She looked back at me, still smiling. The sweet, childish expression on her face again._

"_Well, do you think it's true?" I noticed. When Rin smiled…_

_She was kind of beautiful._

"It's nothing you have to worry about…" I answered with a sigh. They looked at me, shaking their heads. They didn't believe me, that much I knew. Thankfully they didn't push the matter any more.

"Whatever, man."

It was then I noticed a tall, pink-haired senior stomping her way towards us with a serious expression written all over her face. Before I knew it, she grabbed onto my shirt collar, bringing us face-to-face. Her eyes narrowed into slits as she glared at me.

"You and I, kid. We're gonna have a little discussion."

* * *

What would you do if say, you were casually sitting around and eating with your friends while sulking about a ruined date when all of a sudden this random senior chick who you don't know, storms in and drags you away onto the school roof and starts beating you up for no reason whatsoever?

Because that's exactly what I'm going through right now. And frankly, she had me lost on the 'discussion' part. This was no discussion at all.

"I OUGHT TO SLAP YOU BACK INTO FIRST GRADE WHERE YOU BELONG! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS? YOU SHOULD KNOW TO ASK FIRST BEFORE KISSING A GIRL! YOU FUCKING _ANIMAL_!"

_Whack!_

"O-OKAY! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME-!" I found myself pinned to the ground, facedown and groaning in senior sitting on top of my back and holding my head against the cement. Her grip was really strong, and I couldn't get myself out of this one.

"I am your upperclassman, and you will refer to me respectfully. Got it, brat?"

"Yes ma'am…"

"Good." The senior got off, letting me up. I rubbed the back of my head, wincing from the pain that radiated through my body. Glancing up, I saw her flipping out her long, pink hair. She caught me looking at her and scowled. "Well. You're a real bitch to find, y'know? I spent half my free period looking for you."

I soon found myself frowning. "And you are?"

"Luka Megurine." The senior answered shortly, looking curt. "One of Rin's friends." My eyes widened in recognition at the mention of Rin. "I heard you're the one who took her out on a little date a few days back, right?" I nodded.

"Yeah, that's right."

"And you tried to kiss her, right?"

"That's r- What?" I gaped at her, cheeks reddening. "H-How did you…?"

"Seniors have their ways, boy." Luka answered, waving me off. She continued on subject. "Anyway, Rin rejected you, didn't she?" She just had to be so blunt.

"N-not at first." I mumbled, stuttering, looking at my feet. This was so embarrassing, talking about such a thing to a stranger.

"But anyway, you're wondering why Rin ran away," Luka said, folding her arms across her chest. It wasn't a question. "Aren't you?" I blinked, looking down at my shoes.

"Yeah."

Another silence echoed through the empty air.

"Don't think it's because she didn't want you to kiss her," I glanced up, slightly bewildered, while curiosity ran through me like a cat. Luka was staring at me with serious eyes. "From what I can tell, she really likes you. Her rejection to your kiss, it was something personal. You did nothing wrong,"

"Something personal?" I repeated, even more confused. I couldn't understand what the hell she was saying. How could rejection be something personal, for Pete's sake?

"You should know, however, that Rin's a very delicate person." The senior said suddenly, looking to the other side, "She's like glass, fragile and easy to break. Being attracted to someone like that, it's quite dangerous," I stared at her, then my gaze hardened.

"I don't care,"

Luka looked back at me, startled at my reaction. "Really now? What is it you see in her that makes you say that?"

"I like Rin for who she is," I answered firmly, "She has faults, yes. But then, who doesn't? No one's perfect, we just gotta accept that and look at the good things," I looked up at the sky with a smile on my face, letting my thoughts roam through my open mouth. "And what I see in Rin are lots of great things. She's funny, cute, and beautiful and when she smiles, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I looked back at Luka, smiling embarrassingly. "But I want Rin to be happy," She stared at me, speechless.

"Hm…" Then Luka leaned down, studying me critically. Silence followed quickly, and didn't go away for quite some time. I started to get a little antsy under her judging gaze. .

"What?" I finally spoke up after a long while.

"Miku was right, you are a lot like _him…"_Luka said quietly, her gaze softening. I rose an eyebrow in confusion. Him? Who was 'him'? What the heck was she talking about?

"But, not exactly… something's different between you two. I just can't put my finger on it…" Luka suddenly stood up, pacing back and forth. I watched as her eyebrows pinched together in deep concentration, her hair swaying back and forth with each sudden turn she took. Then she looked back at me, a slight smile on her face. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter."

"What do you mean-" I was cut off when she suddenly raised a hand.

"I didn't think it'd come to this," Luka said, then her smile widened, "but I think you're the only one who can help Rin after all. And I'm gonna help you with that,"


	6. Wishes and Fairytales

**Please review this time? Don't make me stop the story!**

Okay... So we didn't get as many reviews as I had hoped. Actually, we're kind of failing at getting reviews, and its making me sad. But I must go on, right? Anyway, I thought putting a second chapter up right after chapter five would make up for the long wait. So, without further-a-do, lets begin:

* * *

_A single letter goes unspoken._  
_A single message goes unheard._  
_A single hand goes on writing._  
_A single soul goes on forward._

_A single petal falls slowly down,_  
_A single gust of wind has blown._  
_A single tear falls down a face._  
_A single memory goes unerased._

_A single scream cries out in vain,_  
_A single heart aches from pain._  
_A single soul wants to sleep,_  
_A single memory wants to leap._

_A single Letter now goes spoken._  
_A single message now goes heard._  
_A single hand keeps on writing,_  
_A single word is not as forward._

_A single girl was sitting there._  
_A single boy was joining her._  
_A single smile and laugh they shared_  
_A single day one disappeared._

_A single girl did not know._  
_A single heart did not know._  
_A single emotion was found inside,_  
_A single world was found untold._

_A single hand now writes away._  
_A single eye now sheds each day._  
_A single heart yearns for more,_  
_A single soul yearns to soar._

_A single soul made one mistake,_  
_A single one she could not take._  
_A single boy left that day,_  
_A single tear found its way._

_A single soul told her not to cry._  
_A single soul said he'd be nearby._  
_A single girl now looks up each night._  
_A single girl now prays for her light._

_A single letter is now spoken._  
_A single message is now heard._  
_A single hand no longer writing._  
_A single chain no longer sealed._

_A single heart has always been yearning._  
_A single memory could never forget._  
_A single wish finds its way,_  
_To a single one she had once met._

And with a clash the pencil fell to the ground; the master of the tool ran out the door with speed. Her short blonde hair and its ribbon accessory ran behind her, while her blue eyes filled with liquid...

* * *

**Rin's POV**  
In the emerald blades of grass was where I sat, letting the shade of the one tree in the opening hang over me. Here I was, deep in the park, where I was with them all... Mikuo, Len, and the other one. The wind started to blow at a moderate pace, bringing along a slight chill of winter. It was nearing time for December, when the first snowstorm would strike in. It was also nearing a time for a special memory...

A sigh escaped my lips as I looked up to the sky that matched my own eyes. It was so clear out, as if the sun was rejoicing and telling the clouds to flee today. It made me smile softly. But it didn't last too terribly long.

"I just can't believe it's almost winter soon," my voice came out visible in the form of white puffs. I tugged on my white jacket to bring it closer to me, but not just for warmth- I needed comfort too. Comfort I can only give to myself at times; nearly all of the time.

Without avoiding the question any longer, I let my voice carry it out. "Mikuo, what have you been doing all this time?" it came out with another sigh and another white puff, "Do you even care about me anymore? Do you even remember me like I remember you?"

Nothing but the still silence replied to me. A bit of fluttering from the tree above me and some of the sweet melody from a bird appeared not soon after. It strangely comforted me. I allowed myself to look up, seeing the blue jay jumping from branch to molting tree branch with such grace. With every turn of its head it seemed to bring out more curiosity- both inside me and inside itself.

It got me thinking.

How free this bird was. To sing and to dance and to fly. This blue bird could go anywhere it set its mind to. All it had to do was spread its wings and let go of the branch it holds onto. All it needed to do was trust the wind current in the sky and just jump. Sure, it needed to do a bit of flapping before it can get going, but once it starts the little bird is just flying happily away, riding the breeze with the warmth and light on its back.

All the meanwhile it would sing such sweet songs.

Could I be like this bird? All I needed to do was spread my wings.

I kept my eyes on this prized, magnificent beast. "You've probably forgotten me by now. I'm sure you have moved on. There's nothing holding you back. No guilt, so sorrow. It's not like it was your fault to begin with,"

The blue jay, now standing on the tip of the tree's branch, started to lift its white chest. Slowly the wings started to unfurl, stretching as far as they could go. I watched him as he took one last breath; the bird's eye grew brave and proud as his legs bent and launched him up into the sky.

The feathers sparkled so brightly under the sun's gaze.

His wings beat against the air for a moment before a gust of air picked him up and sent him on his way to another branch- to another tree. It was so beautiful; my breath caught for a second. This bird, he was so free and graceful.

Could I be like that?

All I needed was to spread my wings.

An image of the blonde boy from a week before sprang into my mind. He was sweet and kind, and he had this charming aura around him. And he reminded me so much of the one from my past. But there was something different about him- I couldn't quite place it, but you could tell he couldn't be the same guy. Len was Len, there was no other way to put it.

Another bird caught my eye- a young mourning dove this time. It was very beautiful, with its brown feathers shining against the blue sky. It flew with such grace and such elegance. The smile on the face became just a little bit bigger as I watched the bird fly so free. Why couldn't I be free? There was no pure reason I should be help back.

Even the caged birds have time to fly.

My joyous expression turned to a face of pure horror as I watched the bird's balance topple over the sudden gust of wind blowing from the opposite direction. It's wings flapped rapidly over and over again in an attempt to keep balance, but it wasn't enough. With nothing I could do, I pulled the jacket even tighter against me for comfort and warmth against the sudden cold wind.

The bird started to be pushed around with the wind. Back and forth the bird went as the wind kept changing, before it started falling and disappeared from view behind the trees in another part of the city park. Tears welded up in my eyes as I recalled what had happened only seconds ago.

Was the bird alright? Did it make it?

I couldn't tell as warm tears made my vision blurry. Only second ago I had thought of Len, and flying free. But then as the bird flew, it had been pushed around and crashed to the ground. That's what would have happened to me, wouldn't it?

A shaky sigh escaped my lips as tears started to slowly fall down the sides of my cheeks.

I had forgotten my wings were clipped from regret.

I wouldn't be able to fly with clipped wings.

Another image popped into my mind, but this time one of the teal haired guy I had grown to know. His eyes were a soft shade of blue-green, often changing from one of the colors to the other. That voice of his was sweet, though sometimes his singing voice would make him sound like a girl; a half-hearted chuckle escaped my lips as I remember his words: 'It's only because Miku keeps making me sing these high songs!'. Though his voice was like honey, sweet and smooth. And he always had a smile on, no matter what kind of difficulties were going on in his life at the moment.

And even when these difficult things happened, he was always trying to make time for me. Whether it was an email, or a quick phone call, he always tried to contact me every day. He always tried to make me laugh somehow. And when we were together, I knew we made the best of it.

* * *

_The summer air was crisp with warmth on that day with little wind; the summer flowers were springing to life with colors painted all over the field. Butterflies roamed the sky, while all the birds sang from the one tree that we sat under. The grass was soft and seething with life._

_He was here, sitting crossed-legged, just relaxing under the shade that protected us from the heat radiating from the sun. I remember his eyes looking up at the sky while that gentle smile was resting on his face. There was a particular shine in his eyes that day, one that completed him._

_My head rested on his shoulder while his arm was wrapped around me. I couldn't help but take a deep breath of the air the covered us. Everything here was perfect. Well, besides the fact that this was only one of the few days we could ever spend together. But even then, we made the best of it._

_Butterflies continued to dance around the field with an array of colors; there were blue wings, orange wings, purple wings and other wings of many other colors. A red butterfly came fluttering towards me, landing right on my nose. The little thing started to tickle, and I tried not to sneeze. My attempt failed, however. The startled butterfly went back to the flowers as I felt my smile turn into a pout._

_Beside me Mikuo chuckled, his smile growing. I looked over into his direction, my pout becoming more pronounced. My voice came out in a childish manner. "That's not funny,"_

_He seemed amused. "I guess you're right,"_

_My pout dissolved, replaced with a look of confusion. "Then why do you look so amused?"_

_"I dunno," His head turned towards me, while his pointer finger tapped me on the nose. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but smile at this small gesture. It made me feel warm inside, having someone like this to be next to. "Maybe it's just because you look so cute like that,"_

_I felt my cheeks become warm with a blush, but it didn't bother me in the slightest. My mouth curled into a large smile as I heard those words of his. He was just so sweet and so kind. Cheesy at times, yes, but still perfect. I let my head rest back on his shoulder, but the smile on his face never left. In fact, his eyes started to get a bit of a mischievous look to them._

_That could only mean one thing..._

_My face twisted into one of mock horror as I quickly tried to flee from his embrace. But his arm was too strong as it help me in place._

_It wasn't long until I was on the ground, tears falling down my face and laughs exploding from me._

_His fingers kept running over my stomach and neck as I squirmed, trying to flee. My breaths were shallow, if I could even squeeze them in from all the laughs and giggles that escaped me. "Please, stop!" I cried through my laughter. "I can't breathe!"_

_His impish smile never left his face as he continued to tickle me. He showed no intention of stopping. "But why should I? You look so beautiful when you're helpless," I tried to take a deep breath, but it only came out in full-blown laughter._

_"You mule!" was the only thing I could call out._

_Several minutes later or several seconds later, I couldn't tell the difference, but he had stopped assaulting me when he had started to burst into full out laughter. Both of us were left cracking up at our own entertainment. With him sitting on his knees, and with I still laying on the soft emerald blades beneath me, we held our stomachs and just laughed._

_When we had both calmed down from our fit, the teal haired boy lay next to me with his hands behind his head. In the silence we once again looked up at the clouds in the sky, just enjoying the presence of one another. It wasn't long until I grew bored of the silence._

_"What should we do today?" I asked, wanting something exciting to happen. The boy next to me thought for a moment before speaking._

_"There should be a festival going on soon," he said, smiling down at me. "Maybe we could light some fireworks later on,"_

_That smile appeared on my face as I thought of watching the bright lights- and not only watching them, but lighting them up as well. I snuggle up beside him, thinking of how much fun it would be to just to hang out and light fireworks high into the sky. I giggled. "That would be awesome!"_

* * *

"We never did get to those fireworks," I whispered, wiping away the tears that gathered into my eyes. I missed times like those, when we were honest. When I wasn't always lying. As if in mourning, my head lay limp as I let blonde bangs cover my eyes. Tears continued to pour down. Every time my hand went to wipe them away, my cheeks only became wetter. Soon I gave up.

"Why couldn't have I just waited for you...?" I asked the surrounding, but again nothing replied to my lost voice.

"Oh right. It's because you just couldn't wait. You stupid child," my voice grew with more and more hatred. Self-loathing started to grow. "You are the Devil's child after all. Nothing more than a monster, a beast. You'll be nothing more,"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw that blue jay flying so high without falter. He has mastered control.

"What about Len?" I challenged myself, lacking the hatred in my voice.

_"What about him?"_ my inner guilt challenged back.

"I'm starting to like him... Maybe I can... No," I stopped myself from going on.

_"That's right, isn't it?"_ I could feel the darkness- my darkness- swarming around me. Not literally, but that inner ghost was starting to haunt me. _"How can you start to like him? It's only been a week at most... No one can fall in love that fast, not even humans,"_ The beast emphasized 'humans', reminding me I couldn't even raise that high.

"I don't know. I just feel something when I'm around him," I whispered to it- to myself. "I felt like I did when I was around Mikuo,"

_"It's nothing more than infatuation; nothing more than a feeling. It'll pass. And sticking with him until the feeling does pass will break him,"_

"But I remember mother talking about love at first sight. Maybe-?"

_"I guess it's true. We still haven't grown, have we? Still believing in fairy-tales and wishes, are you? I thought we would have learned by now. Well, I mean I have, but you are still stuck in the past. Aren't you child?"_

"..." I couldn't reply. Maybe that guilt in me was right. Maybe I never did grow up like I should have.

_"That kind of love was never real. Why do you keep wanting this 'Len', anyway? You'd just be replacing Mikuo, all while breaking his little heart the same way you broke the other two,"_ In my head I could hear its deep laugh, as if wanting such a thing to happen for its own amusement.

"But what if it is...?" I dared to reply. I knew I was being weak and childish. But I wanted to know. What if I was falling for Len? It was so long ago since Mikuo; maybe it was time to move on, like Luka said.

_"If you want to break his heart, go ahead,"_ the past challenged me. _"Smash it like all the others. One more shattered being shouldn't phase you, should it? I mean, you've grown so used to it by now-"_

"Stop," tears were falling down my face, but more reasons started to swirl into my mind.

_"And what about Mikuo? Hm? What would he think if he knew you were doing this? Would he really be happy with you breaking another heart like you did his? Would he, child? Would he?"_

"Please, Stop..." I couldn't see anything with how blurry my eyes were getting. I could feel my chest constrict like a large python, sucking away any life I still had in me. I thought my heart would stop from all the pain that started to build up. My head spun, leaving me slightly dizzy.

_"You'd promised that you'd love them forever. You promised that you would never love again. You gave your oath, girl. You gave it to God, and He can strike you down. He wouldn't have any trouble, would He? He's just waiting for the right moment to shoot you down, demon,"_

"Please, I beg you to stop!" I wailed.

_"Go ahead and do it, child. Go ahead and play with their hearts, demon. Go ahead and try to be nice, but you know your real nature. You can't deny what you are and what you are meant to do. I'm sure Mikuo won't care, after all. You destroyed him. I'm sure Len won't care either, if he's so much like your 'hero'. And obviously you won't care. After all, you're nothing more than a monster. A monster. A monster...-"_

"STOP!" I screamed into the empty area around me. From that eruption the birds suddenly scattered from the trees in fear. The only sound was my heart beating wildly, and my breaths coming in pants of white smoke. I reached for my knees, and hugged them closed to me as I let the tears fall faster and faster.

I wanted to deny it, but I just couldn't.

I wanted to be in love, but maybe it wasn't love. I was sure it was, but maybe it's true.

And even if it was, I wouldn't dare hurt anyone else.

I don't think I could handle it if I did...

I felt my eyes slip closed as my breathing started to slow. I needed to calm down. All of this information wasn't new. I knew all of this by heart by now, and yet why was I so afraid of it? I lowered my head, finding peace in remembering when I first met Mikuo.

* * *

_I sat outside the school cafeteria on a bench, eating my homemade lunch. I honestly hated eating inside the building, with it's stench and trash all over the floor. Not to mention all the people in there you have to squeeze through to find a seat; though its not always guaranteed you get one. The air was so thick from bodies that you could taste it, and overall it was just disgusting._

_So here I sat in the shade by myself, not really paying attention to anything. I had many friends in school, but none of them would really spend time to hang out with me. This was because they always spent time with other friends. And I never really fit in with those other friends._

_It wasn't long into my lunch hour that I saw a teal-haired boy walking out of the lunch door like he usually does since he's been here. This boy was a transfer student, so he's only been here about three weeks or so._

_But instead of going to the playground like usual, he started heading in my direction._

_"May I sit with you?" he asked. His voice was sweet and kind. It wasn't sarcastic like everyone else's voice I knew. It was nice, actually, to know someone's voice wasn't sarcasm-coated._

_"Of course," I replied, smiling. Normally I didn't like people, but everyone was gone. Loneliness can get to a young one like me._

_"Why are you by yourself?" He asked, curiosity in his voice. Everyone should have been out on a field trip, but there were always a few unlucky students who were left behind to suffer the school day. I sighed, pouting._

_"All my friends are either in Middle school now, or are on that stupid field trip,"_

_"So why didn't you go to the Science Center?" he asked after a few seconds of pondering my responce. I pouted, my voice coming out as a childish complaint._

_"Because the teacher said my mom's handwriting wasn't real,"_

_"Was it?"_

_"Yes! No, really! I had her sign it in the car on the way over here!" He chuckled, and my pout grew more pronounced. "What's that for?"_

_"You just look so cute like that," Warmth started to surround my face as I looked away, crossing my arms over my chest. His chuckling filled the area, and I kept looking at him through the side of my eyes before finally turning back. A new question filled my mind._

_"So why aren't you on the field trip?"_

_He sighed. "The teacher was getting all smart and stuff. He said I couldn't go on the field trip because my mom didn't fill in all the forms for school yet,"_

_"You have to have forms to go to school?" I asked, not really sure about it._

_"Yup," he replied._

_A comfortable silence and the occasional kid running around on the playground filled the air, before a thought appeared in my head. He was alone, and so was I. Seeing how he was the new kid, I guessed he didn't have very many friends. And to be honest, almost all of my friends ditched me for the field trip._

_"Want to be friends?" I asked, smiling._

_"Sure," he said, returning the same smile._

_We were never separated since._

_At least, not until that day..._

* * *

"Mikuo," I whispered his name into the empty air, letting the white smoke carry it. I opened my eyes, going from the little dream into the real world. The sun was near setting, painting the turquoise sky with pinks, purples, and golds. It had been so long since I had last seen him, and yet he continued to affect me. My heart had been turned cold long ago when my true nature had been revealed.

Maybe I just need to forget this 'Len'.

It would just be in everyone's best interest.

"Wouldn't it?" I asked with a humorless chuckle.


	7. What is True Love, Anyway?

Hey guys. It's me, Miko. I am sorry about the slow update. I've been busy with summer school, then working at my grandparents house to prepare it for our cousins coming soon, and also working on drawings and submitting them on deviantart. And all in all, I was lazy. But now that I started this chapter, I'm back in business!

Wow. This chapter has more true events than all the others. How about we scroll to the bottom and read about these little events?_  
_

**_QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER: _**What events should Luka and the gang plan to bring our two blondes closer together?_  
_

* * *

_Ever had one of those days?_  
_Where no one's around?_  
_and the darkness..._  
_...is the only friend you've got._  
_Of so full of pain,_  
_but of so comforting._

_Its just like cold water._  
_First you freeze over,_  
_then everything goes numb._  
_Your heart may even stop beating,_  
_and you may lose your breathing._

_Then it's a sanctuary._  
_You live,_  
_you grow,_  
_you are a part of it._  
_And soon you wonder,_  
_how did you get along without it?_

_You eyes soon close._  
_You're heart's healing._  
_You smile, you laugh fully,_  
_but suddenly, you realise._  
_You're losing your sanctuary,_  
_Losing your safe haven,_  
_Losing everything you had known, once again._

_You don't want it to go away, do you?_  
_But you also want it to leave..._  
_...leave, and never come back._

_Would you be afraid after what I have seen?_  
_After what I have felt,_  
_after what I have experienced..._

_Just ever had one of those days?_  
_Where no one's around?_  
_and the darkness..._  
_...is the only friend you've got._  
_Of so full of pain,_  
_but of so comforting..._

_Often I find myself lying,_  
_over and over again._  
_I end up lying to myself._  
_I end up lying to my family._  
_I end up lying to my friends._  
_I end up lying to my loved ones._  
_I end up lying to my memories._  
_I end up lying to my ghost._  
_I end up lying to God._  
_I end up lying to Satan._  
_I end up lying to everything._  
_I end up lying to everyone._

_I have heard the stories in the Bible._  
_I'll admit I do believe, fully._  
_I believe in everything it says._  
_But how do I know I'm not lying?_  
_God is my father._  
_I want to believe this._  
_In my heart I know it is true._  
_He made me._

_"For he so loved the world he had sent his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish and have everlasting life," ~John 3:16_

_He sent Him for me. And others like me._  
_And I believe it._  
_I love Them both._

_But then I have heard the verse,_  
_a certain verse that rocks me._  
_I'll admit, I don't know the whole story._  
_I have never heard the full story._  
_And maybe I'm lying to myself again._  
_But if I am the daughter of the evil I believe I am from,_  
_Then I must be a murderer and a liar._

_"You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." ~John 8:44_

_I have lied, over and over again._  
_I end up lying to myself._  
_I end up lying to my family._  
_I end up lying to my friends._  
_I end up lying to my loved ones._  
_I end up lying to my memories._  
_I end up lying to my ghost._  
_I end up lying to God._  
_I end up lying to Satan._  
_I end up lying to everything._  
_I end up lying to everyone._

_I know for certain in my heart,_  
_That He is who I belong with,_  
_and the true evil is not._

_But who is to say_  
_that I am not lying?_

_So many lies,_  
_so many truths,_  
_so many half-truths._

_All to save friends,_  
_and risk my own safety._

_All to save myself,_  
_and hurt my friends in the end._

_I am a coward._  
_I'm worse than a murderer._  
_I'm a liar._  
_I'm a thief._  
_I'm a monster._

_Yet in my heart, I don't believe it._

_I'm confused._

_Who is to say I'm not lying?_

_I'm lying,_

_I'm lying,_

_I'm lying about it all._

_Maybe._

_Yes._

_No._

_Maybe._

* * *

**Rin's POV:**

I wanted to keep writing today. I wanted to keep spilling out my feelings in the only way I knew how. Writing and drawing, they were the only ways that I could express my pain and sorrow without others knowing and without hurting myself. Though, I will admit, I've tried it many times before.

My fear of pain has stopped me, however. I feel somewhat fortunate.

Anyway, since I just couldn't write anymore, I decided to do some research. After all, I had to do something while I was away from school, besides playing sick.

By doing research, I really mean doing research. Ever since my ghost had started arguing with me the other day, I couldn't help but shake off the feeling she was right about my attraction to Len being nothing more than a crush. And crushes always fade. But there were so many people out there. And a handful have been able to fall in love and stay in love quickly.

I sat in bed and stared at the screen on my computer's laptop, trying to look up true love and love at first sight on Google. But nothing that would satisfy me came up. There were some in-depth answers, but on the complete other side of the love spectrum the same kind of in-depth answers would appear once again. I didn't know who to believe. And of course there were always those geeks who typed in short speech anyway. I don't think I could trust them...

A pop on the computer screen knocked me out of my thoughts as I looked down at my yahoo messenger in the right hand corner, seeing that Kaito had come online. Odd, it was only 12:40 or so. What could he be doing out of school? He wasn't one to ditch. And maybe I could find some answers from him. After all, he was one of my close friends.

I typed away as I pulled up Kaito's instant message screen.

_Shouldn't you be at school? ._

_Senior; got out early._  
_Could ask you the same thing._

_But you wouldn't. =D_

_I am._

I thought for a second, before quickly answering and changing the subject. I didn't want him to know how long I was out of school, exactly. Or did I want him to know why. At least, not yet. I trusted him a lot, as I do with my close circle of friends, but he was one of the newer ones. He wasn't there when it happened. I rather not tell him until I was ready.

_It's nothing important._  
_Anyway, can I ask you something?_  
_Something Serious?_

_What?_

I hesitated. I wasn't ready to ask, and I was afraid to ask. But if I wanted to know if this ghost of mine was speaking the truth, or if I wanted to know if my feelings for Len were real or not, I needed to gather answers.

_Do you believe in true love?_

_Why are you asking?_

_I'm just curious._

_Yes, I do._

Alright, so Kaito believes in true love... But does he know what it is? To be honest, I wasn't even sure I knew what it was myself. So I continued.

_What is true love?_

_Is there really a way to define it?_

_I don't know. I just wanted to know what you thought..._

_Hmm..._  
_True love is something that can't be defined...the people or animals or anything would just...feel it...maybe not know it consciously, but it'd be there, somehow._

Is it possible that I was wrong? Was it possible that my ghost was wrong too? There were so many questions filling my head at that point. I was thirsty to know more. I wanted to know more. I needed to know and understand more. Could it possible I feel true love for Len? Or maybe I felt true love for Mikuo...

I continued to type.

_What about love at first sight?_  
_Could someone fall in love in the first couple meetings?_

_No._

_Not at all?_

_There might be something, but it wouldn't be love._

_Why not?_

_Love needs time to mature._

That's when I hit my all time low. Tears threatened to come out of my eyes- I've read the sentence over and over again- but I refused to cry. Not now. I had thought that maybe this thing I had felt with the blonde haired boy, it might have been love. We might have started something. But my ghost, and now someone else, had admitted it wasn't.

I had felt something for Len.

I have felt nothing for Len.

I feel so confused. I feel more confused that I ever thought I could have. I'm lying. I'm telling the truth. I just don't know!

_So what if I fell in love within a day or so?_  
_Hypothetically speaking, of course!_

_Then I would think it's more of interest than love._  
_Hypothetically speaking._

_So I shouldn't feel anything for him?_  
_I mean, nothing extreme?_

_Doesn't mean you shouldn't...you might, it depends on the person, but only your subconscious mind will know when it's really love...and you will probably not know immediately._

Could my love still be fake? Or could it be real? I just don't know anymore. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and let my head hang in my hands. I just don't know anything anymore. Do I love him? Or don't I love him? I just want to cry from my confusion...

A pop on the computer screen reminded me of the person I continued to talk to.

_So you, hypothetically speaking, like someone._

_What? No!_

_"So I shouldn't feel anything extreme for him?" Sounds like liking someone to me._

_I'm just..._

I'm just what? What exactly am I doing? Am I giving advice to another friend? No, that wouldn't work. Kaito and the gang are my only friends, and they know that. Maybe I'm writing an essay? No, that wouldn't work either. Kaito and them know what the teachers assign in my grade. Then what?

_Writing a story. For my character._

_How interesting, what is it about?_

What am I to tell him now? Slowly, one letter at a time, the words started to appear on the page.

_A girl falling in love._  
_Too quickly for her own good._

_It sounds interesting at least...can't wait to read it._

_Um._  
_The problem is..._  
_I don't know if I'm going to go through with this story..._

_Well that won't do you any good. Then nothing will happen._

This confusion spread to me even more. I scanned his words over and over. I told him it was a story, and he seemed to believe me. Then again, you couldn't really read emotion through the text. But what does he mean, nothing will happen? It's just a story... Authors abandoned stories all the time. But after seeing his reply, I grew white.

_Wait, what do you mean it won't do me any good?_  
_It's not like it's real life..._

_Oh, of course not._

_Miku didn't..._  
_Please tell me she didn't..._

_She wouldn't have had to, not that hard to see._  
_Just tell him._

Am I really that easy to see through? Am I really that easy to read? I have spent so much time trying to keep the others out of my mind, and how here was my friend who figured out what my case was. I wanted to cry. I started to cry- the salty tears ran down my face. At least neither of us was in school...

_I can't._

_Why do you say that?_

_I can't tell you..._

_Right, right... Well, you can either be the cat waiting at the door forever or the one in the house._

_Who says the cat won't be let in?_

_The one who won't open the door._

_Kaito?_

_Hm?_

_Who else knows about me and Len?_

_Luka, Miku, hmm...Gakupo, probably...Meiko...um...Maybe Gumi..._  
_I think also Leon...Profession Miriam...Ann...Oh, and of course Lola...Al and Sonika might as well..._

_D:_  
_...Dear God..._

* * *

I tried moving on to Meiko next. Part of me really regretted it, but I knew I had to ask everyone I could. I needed to know what everyone felt on this matter. I needed to prove myself wrong. I needed to prove the ghost wrong. I don't know what I needed, but I needed to prove something wrong.

I opened up the chat window. I expected anything from her...

_Meiko?_

_Yo, what's up?_

_Can I ask you something?_

_Go for it._

_Do you believe in true love?_

_Ehh, I dunno, never really bothered to think 'bout that stuff. Why?_

_Just wondering._  
_What about love at first sight?_

_No way. Plus, everytime something like that happens, it ALWAYS ends badly. Like Romeo and Juliet, ya know?_

_Oh._

_Still wanna know why you're asking all this all of a sudden._

_You know. Just curious._

_Uh huh. Seems more than just curiosity._

_Why do you say that, Meiko?_

_'Cause I know you and you pretty much NEVER do stuff like this._  
_Oh, I get it, it's about the boy, huh?_

_What?_

_Uh, what's his name...blonde kid...kinda short...ponytail...girl voice..._  
_Lin? No, uh...Ren? ...Len! There we go_

Alright, I know I wasn't expecting this. Inwardly I started to freak out. How the hell did Meiko find out? Maybe I was really that open when it came to my feelings. That, or maybe Miku told everyone. I told her to keep quiet, but something inside me told me she couldn't keep still for long. She was just that kind of girl. But it was better I found out before I started accusing my friends. Before anything else, I started to ask.

_How did you find out?_

_Guess._  
_Seriously, just guess, not too hard to figure out._

_Miku...?_

_Oh, good job! Do ya want a prize next time I see ya?_

_Uh... No._

_Good, 'cause the only thing I got is some sake...and a couple of Jack Daniels..._

_So..._  
_Do you_  
_well_  
_think that what I feel is fake?_

_What, you crushing on him? Why would it be?_

_Because it's a crush..._  
_You know_  
_'Not supposed to last' deal._

_Well how would I know? You're the one crushing on the boy. Btw, nice choice._

_Nice choice...?_  
_And I thought you'd be of more help, drunkie. D:_

_On the guy, duh. And shut up._  
_Look, just tell him you like him. It's a crush, why not try?_

_Because I just can't..._

_Man, you kids...why not?_

_I can't tell you._

_...then why'd you bring up in the first place?_

_because I thought you would be a bit more hypothetical..._  
_Like Kaito was._

_You're seriously coming to ME for advice?_  
_Well, I gave you mine, so that's all there is to it._

_*heavy sarcasm* Thanks a lot Meiko._

_And let me ask one more thing._

_Yeeees?_

_How drunk are you?_  
_Right now, I mean._

_Err...I...am unauthorised to answer your question_  
_Oh, what's that? Yeah, can't hear ya anymore. Good luck with Lenny!_

_*User has logged off.*_

_MEIKO!_  
_DAMN IT MEIKO!_

* * *

I was pissed.

I was way more than pissed.

I had asked Miku not to tell anyone about Len. I had tried to keep it a secret until I could figure it out for myself, but she just had to spread the word around that I liked the blonde-haired boy. Now I was completely furious with her.

In fact, I waited for a few hours until the very second she managed to log into facebook. I clicked her name to open the chat window, and began my flames of fury. I just couldn't stand how my friend could do this to me. In fact, I haven't even begun typing, and tears started to fall down my eyes. I had trusted her to keep low.

_Why. The. Freaking. Hell. Did. You. Tell. EVERYONE?_  
_YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO FUCKING TELL!_

_I'm sorry!_  
_I was, like, really worried about you 'cause you wouldn't talk to anyone for a few days and I was talking to Luka and she said to tell her 'cause it concerned your health!_

_I told you not to tell._

_I'm sorry, but I was really concerned about you! And Luka was too and it just spread..._

_Spread why?_  
_Maybe I understand Luka, but now everyone?_

_I dunno, it just happened! But...really Rinny...we could kind of see it..._

_Could of seen it? Fine, they can figure it out._  
_I don't care about them guessing._  
_but when they get PROOF from my FRIEND that it was TRUE, THAT'S where I draw the line._

Tears fell freely from my eyes at this point, and I could care less about wiping them away. I hated Miku right now. I hated the world right now. And I hated myself right now, for making everything so obvious. Right now, I couldn't tell if it was me or my ghost talking to Miku. But no matter who was talking, this was how I felt.

_..._

_I trusted you Miku. I wish you didn't have to be a bitch and go around telling others!_  
_You just don't know how much I HATE you right now!_

_..._

_That's all you can say?_

_Rin, I'm really really reeeeeally sorry. I didn't mean to spread it! I was just worried!_  
_Rinny, you're my best friend!_  
_Rinny, honestly! I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! I was just concerned about you..._

_Bye._

I logged off before anything else could be said. In my heart I knew I shouldn't have said the things I did. I knew I just shouldn't have screamed at Miku, but it was all I could do in the end. Everyone knew and expected me to like him now, and I never had an answer for him.

In the very end, Len probably was hoping that I was as attracted to him as he was to me.  
And maybe I was.  
But I was known for lying.  
To myself and to others.  
And what if my ghost and the others were right?  
What if there was no real love between us?

I'd just end up hurting him as always...

* * *

For the next few hours I did absolutely nothing productive. I just continued to lay down on the couch, staring as I watched a yellow sponge and a pink starfish sing their way through monster infested waters to save the sea lord's crown. The tears have dried from my face, and the redness was probably long gone. But even the strange creatures from Bikini Bottom couldn't cheer me up.

A sigh escaped my lips as I shifted position on the couch I continued to lay on, listening to the starting theme song of Fairly Odd Parents. The wands waved in the air and wishes started coming true instantly. I wonder what I could wish for if I had ever gotten the chance to have my wishes granted.

Maybe deep down I knew what I could wish for...

My eyes watched the screen go by, but I couldn't really recall much. I was too dazed to really do anything but think at the moment. I thought of what I could wish for. Would I wish for Mikuo to come back? I wanted it so much. I really would like that.

Or maybe I wanted to wish for a new beginning. To be able to let go of the guilt and start over. Maybe start with Len.

"Fairly Odd Parents again?" I heard the front door close and the ruffling of grocery bags as they were placed on the kitchen counter. I sat up, turning to face the newcomer as she started to put things back into their proper place.

"Hello Mom," I said, smiling. "And at least it's not Spongebob. You say I watch that show too much,"

"You do. How many time a day do you watch that sponge? Seven?"

"More like twelve,"

"You're not helping your case, cubbling,"

I could only shrug at her statement, smiling as she had called me cubbling once again. It made me feel loved and appreciated. No other mother called her child their cub, and to me, it seemed to have a special meaning. It was a name only for me, and it showed so much. Like a mother bear and her dear child. "I know. So, how was work?"

"Oh, it was very, very interesting," you could hear the smile in her voice.

"What happened _this_ time?" I was ready for more story time. Mom seems to attract some interesting situations whenever she goes to work. Something always happens. It was never the usual day at work.

"I was challenged today," she started. I could only raise my eyebrow in response. At my reaction, she continued with that strong voice of hers. "This one lady, she was an alpha. She kept staring me in the eyes, trying to get me to look away. Anyway, she came in and ordered a tuna sandwich, but asks for only three scoops instead of four. Alright. So I cut the bread in half and put one and a half scoops on each one. She raises her voice and says 'I only asked for three.'

I told her that I only put one and a half scoops on each, but she kept arguing. I swear, if it wasn't for her son, I would of asked her to leave. I felt sorry for him, actually. He kept his head down, telling her 'Mom. Mom. Mom, it's okay. She only put on three scoops. '"

"That's stupid," I was thinking about it. I felt sorry for the boy too. I would be embarrassed as well if my mom ever lost control of her cool like that, not that she does. Mom does a good job keeping her temper down.

"That wasn't it. She continued, saying 'Well, it would have been easier if you put the scoops on then cut it,' she kept arguing with me. I told her 'Ma'am, we're supposed to cut the bread first-'

'No you're not!' she continued.

'Ma'am, this is how we are supposed to do it-'

'No, you're not!' she said once more. So I got out the sign with the procedures and held it to her. It says that we are supposed to cut all meatball, tuna, and seafood at the start. Alright, so that kept her down for a bit. After that little bit I continued down the line.

'So what kind of cheese do you want-?'

'Well, if you had heard me, then you would know,' she said in that voice. I was getting really upset with this woman. Though she was a customer, so I had to be nice.

'Ma'am, I am only trying to make your sandwich. What kind of cheese do you want?' So we got that down. I was really upset with this woman at this point. If she acted up one more time, I was ready to ask her to get the hell out of my store. Fortunately she didn't.

At least until she started asking for some salt and pepper. She asked for some extra, so I put on some heavy extra. But then she stuck her nose up in the air and said 'Fine. Never mind. I'll put some more on at home,' then she left in a huff. I was just waiting for her to turn back and glare me down,"

"I hate people like that," I grumbled.

"I felt sorry for her son,"

"Me too. Well, now we know that you should never date anyone with the same personality as you. At least you know when to keep your personality back," I spoke up.

"She was probably having a bad day, even though it was nearly noon,"

"_You_ know when to stay nice," I said, before looking at her strangely after a pause. "You know, you are the only person I know who I can ask 'how is your day at work?' and you reply with an interesting. It's always an interesting story. I mean, you never say 'it was the usual!'"

"There is no usual," she exclaimed, sitting next to me. I lied down on the couch, letting my head rest on her shoulder. She put her arm around me and I sighed, feeling comfortable. Though I was a sophomore, I felt comfortable laying next to and cuddling my mom. I find no shame in it. She's my safe haven. Not to mention she was nice and plushy.

"Exactly. You come home and you always have an amazing story to tell. You ask an office worker, and they'll say it was boring or it was the usual. With you, you can never know what to expect. Maybe you should make a book someday. I swear, it'll be the next best seller,"

She just chuckled at my statement.

I just continued to watch the screen as she changed the channel on the television. I knew what we were tuning into watch, so I just let myself relax as the sound of the program filled my ears and my brain.

_Tonight on Top Gear: Richard wears a hat. James wears another hat. And I wear a hat with a string on it._

"It's funny how they can mention nothing of the show and still grab your attention," I spoke up.

"Mm-hm," my mom mumbled in reply.

"I guess it's just the British humor. How I love it so. It's so much better about the American humor. I mean, here you can't make fun of each other or make fun of the Congress or the president or some rich guy. You have to be proper. Bleh," I said, groaning. A sigh escaped my lips as the show continued on; Jeremy started talking.

_Some say... he thought Star Wars was a documentary. And he recently pulled out of 'I'm a Celebrity' because he's frightened of trees... and Australia... and Drew Stark... and Danes... and Beck. All we know is, he's called the Stig._

"Hey Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Do you believe in true love?"

"Mm-hm,"

"What about love at first sight,"

"Yes,"

"Why?" I asked, looking up at her through our snuggling position. The question was starting to buzz through my mind once again. No matter how much I wanted to get rid of it completely, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking of Len, and I couldn't stop thinking of Mikuo. I even thought of one other person.

"Why are you asking, cubbling?"

"Just curious,"

"I fell in love with someone once. Back when I was in high school. I saw him for the first time and I started to feel attracted. And the more I started to hang out with him, the more attached I grew. He was one of my first loves, actually,"

"So, did you two get together?" I asked, feline-like curiosity burning through my brain and my veins.

"Well, no,"

"Why not?"

"I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. I felt like he deserved ended up finding another girl, and she was a sweet one at that. Eventually lost contact with him. Sometimes I regret being such a coward,"

"Hm," I settled back into my mother's embrace, thinking as the show continued on. Mom was in a similar predicament that I was in now. She had fell in love quickly, and it was true love, she says. But she felt she wasn't good enough for him. She felt that he deserved so much more than she could possibly give him. But was this true? And she regrets not going for him.

I love Len too, or at least, I feel attracted. Could it be possible that this was the only chance I would get? I too felt that I was not good enough for him. I felt that he would deserve something better than I would be. He would deserve something better than this monster of a child.

But maybe this was the only chance I would possibly get. Mom, she regrets not being able to be strong enough to go with the guy she loved. Maybe some day in the future, I would hold one more regret. Not just the regret of breaking other's hearts, but the regret of not being with the one I wanted.

Kaito and Meiko believed there was no such thing as love at first sight. But I wasn't their child. We were not related by blood or anything else. The only thing that held us together was similar interests, just invisible ties. But my mother, she was the one who had me. She was the one I bonded the closest with. She is my closest blood relative. I'm half of who she is. My Mom is the one I could trust my life on, and do every day. I knew she would protect me with her very life, and even more if she could. She is the one who I can laugh with and love with everything I had.

And her past might become mine someday.

I'll have to dwell on it. I'll have to think. But if I want to get rid of that darkness that surrounds me- if I want to get rid of this ghost- then I need to learn to move on. Like that blue jay in the park just the other day.

My eyes started to fall as I started to gather peace in my Mom's arms. But it didn't keep my darkness away.

_Sleep soundly, little one. Go ahead and try again, but don't say I didn't warn you._  
_Sleep soundly. little one. Go ahead and love him, but don't go begging when you shatter him._  
_Sleep soundly, child. The blue jay has flown away, but the mourning dove is broken._  
_Sleep soundly, child. But you can't go through with this._  
_Sleep soundly. But remember I know you better than you know yourself._  
_Sleep soundly. Count the falling bodies like sheep._

_Go back to sleep._  
_Go back to sleep._  
_Lay your head down, child._  
_I won't let the boogieman come._  
_Count the falling bodies like sheep._

_To the rhythm of the war drums._

_Count the falling bodies like sheep._

* * *

Points to whoever can name what song reference I used at the very end. Hint: If you ever saw Allikatnya's latest video, you'd know.

Secondly, Kaito will now be representing my friend Danielle, who also knows about my past. So now we have Luka as Holly (who was there during the entire thing), Kaito as Danielle (who I trusted enough to tell the story to, but Kaito doesn't in this story so far), Rin as me (duh), and Rin's Mother as my own Mother, and a bit of my Grandmother.

My mom is manager of Subway. She never once has a normal day. Something ALWAYS happens, and I love hearing about her day each time. Plus, she makes a good storyteller, with just the right amount of drama. In fact, that story happened 7/26/11. Four days ago. I made the joke about her work being interesting all the time that same night.

My mother's story about the high school love is true as well.

Yes, my mom DOES call me Cubbling (cub-ling). I honestly like it. It's unique.

Grandma says I watch nothing but Spongebob all day long. I don't! I sometimes watch Fairly Odd Parents!


	8. No Plan B

OH FOR GOSH'S SAKE!  
I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER!  
You all really have to thank our Kaito and AuntieCliche for the chapter. Wouldn't have been out without them.

Also, another thing I must point out before the chapter starts. The thing that talks to Rin in this chapter isn't really anything out of the ordinary. It's kind of like that little voice in your head that tells you not to do things. But Rin's is louder and more scary~!

I call those voices ghosts, btw. Anyway, to the story!_  
_

* * *

_I'm confused._  
_I am confused._

_I whisper to the empty air._

_I'm confused,_  
_I am confused._

_What am I to do now?_

_The ghost of my past,_  
_she whispers to me,_  
_and tells me horrible things._

_I'm confused._  
_I am confused._

_Am I to believe her?_  
_I mean, she has been right before._  
_What is to say she isn't right now?_

_My voice goes into the empty air,_  
_and soon starts to disappear._

_Everyone says that she is wrong._  
_Luka, Miku, even my mother._  
_Because her past is to become mine one day._  
_She knows what she did wrong._

_But do I?_

_I'm confused._  
_So confused..._

_She tells me I'm a monster._  
_Born from Satan._  
_Just breaking hearts is what I was born to do._

_She says that it's all a game to me._  
_She says that all these people are toys,_  
_that I eventually lose interest in_  
_and eventually break them._

_But what does she mean?_  
_How am I a monster?_

_I've hurt others before,_  
_but they knew it wasn't exactly my fault._  
_Sure, I caused it,_  
_but I didn't know any better._

_I'm lost,_  
_like a puppy or a child._  
_I haven't been told_  
_what the rules are-_  
_what is right or wrong-_  
_in this game of love._

_The ghost has been telling me_  
_such mean things lately._  
_I don't know is she is telling the truth,_  
_or telling me lies._

_I whisper into the sky._

_I'm confused._  
_I am confused._  
_So confused..._

_I want to believe that it isn't my fault._  
_I want to believe that I am not evil._  
_I want to believe that I am a human,_  
_and not a beast._

_I want to believe these things._  
_I mock the ghost for calling me such things._  
_But the ghost mocks me back._  
_"Really, now, child?_  
_What makes you any different from me?_  
_From the truth inside you?"_

_I don't understand._  
_Why can't she just leave me alone?_

_It was years ago that it happened._  
_Why can't she just leave?_  
_Why can't I just drop it?_

_Maybe it's because I never got to say goodbye._  
_Maybe it's because I never got to say sorry._  
_Maybe it was just so unexpected._

_Love,_  
_It isn't the answer to all my problems._

_Love,_  
_I don't believe it can cure me._

_Love,_  
_it isn't the most powerful force in the world._

_Love,_  
_It's the thing that brought me down._

_But love,_  
_I don't think it can pick me up._

_Is true love real?_  
_Or is it not?_  
_Love at first sight:_  
_real or fake?_  
_Will love solve everything?_  
_Not at all._  
_But will it help me in the end?_  
_Who knows?_

_The ghost on my left_  
_is she lying?_  
_The guilt on my right,_  
_is it reasonable?_  
_Myself,_  
_I am confused._  
_Myself,_  
_I am unsure._

_I am confused._

* * *

**General POV:**

"Why are you here?" a blonde girl whispers into the bathroom mirror that stands in front of her. Her voice is unusually calm as she stares down the creature that has taken over her reflection. Obviously, to any other eyes, the reflection would be nothing out of the ordinary. However, as the girl named Rin stares at her mirror, she can only see a creature with features that resemble her own; but it was frightening, with black eyes, ram horns, long golden claws, and the smirk of one who understand you more than you know yourself.

"I'm just here to give you some encouragement," the darker voice replied sarcastically, glancing at her claws in a casual manner. "I hear you decided to head back to school today,"

"I have to go back sometime," Rin could feel strength in all she had learned in her absence. Her friends cared about her well being, and she felt she knew what she had to do after hearing of her mother's similar past. And though having Len wouldn't solve her problems- heck, they made things worse- she knew that it might be another nudge in the right direction. "It wouldn't be good to keep running away,"

"Hasn't stopped you before, hm?"

"The school system wasn't involved last time. Besides, I've learned,"

"Have you now, my dear?" Her black eyes seemed to stare deep into the blonde's soul. "Tell me what you have learned,"

"I've learned that I can't keep running from my mistakes. That I have to learn from them and move on,"

"You're talking about the jay? How cute," her voice mocked concern, "But don't you know that clipped wings can't fly?"

"Wings grow back with time, and I've had more than enough time,"

"Wings grow back with time, then the owner has to clip them once more,"

"They won't be clipped this time. He's gone, and I have to accept that there's nothing I can do to change that fact anymore," Rin said with a slight waver in her voice. But her blue eyes didn't look any less determined.

"That's right. He's not there anymore. You abandoned him in the mine, didn't you, canary?" Her voice rang with laughter.

"I didn't abandon him,"

"Right, right," the demon waved her hand, snickering. "Says the choking canary, who didn't have enough breath to warn the miners. Yet she was too stubborn to die before them,"

"Hey, like Luka said, first love never lasts," Rin shrugged. "Anyway, before you try to dampen my mood, I wanted to tell you that I've had enough of you, you stupid evil wanna-be. I'm ready to go back to my friends and my life now. So I want to tell you goodbye. Now please, take your leave," Without showing any sign that she had been phased by the demon's outburst, the waved her hand and waited for the demonic creature to go.

"You think that you can let go, just like that?" the demon asked smoothly. "I'm sorry, my dear. You spend three years trying to let go, and you think you can let go in just a few days? I'm going to be around longer than that, and you know this as much as I do. Try to be brave, you stupid mourning dove. But when you crash only I will be your sanctuary,"

But the blonde on the real side of the mirror turned around, ignoring the demon's speech. With a small pause, she stated a simple "goodbye."

As the girl paused at the frame of the door, the demon faded from the mirror. But her voice hung in the air. "Rin, understand this. You were born a demon. You broke so many people's hearts, and all you can think about is your own pain. You shattered their lives completely, and yours had just barely begun. If you think you can let go, fine. You can go on ahead, and try not to break Len's heart. But you've done it before,"

The girl froze in place. "I have learned,"

"Yes, you have. You've learned that you can't go long without your toys. After all, Len's just replacing Mikuo and the other boy- what's his name now?"

"Len's not replacing anyone," Rin interrupted. "Len's different than the others. He's someone unique,"

"So maybe he is different than the others," the demon started out. "But are you different?"

"I am. I know that I have learned from the mistakes of the past. I'm ready to fly out of the darkness now,"

"So you say. But don't lie to yourself. What makes you any different from me? From the truth inside of you?"

"You're not the truth," and without wanting to hear anymore of her own ghost, she left. But not without hearing one last piece.

"But I'm not the lie, either,"

As the world and the voice faded, the girl awoke from the strange dream.

* * *

_What was she trying to say to me? She wasn't the truth, but she wasn't a lie?_Rin thought as she walked down the crowded hallways of the school. It was nice to be back, with the smell of freshly cut grass and the noise of the students that stopped her from thinking to hard. It would be nice to be able to be in the warming presence of her friends. To be able to see Luka, Kaito, Meiko, Len, and even Miku in the face as she talked to them.

_Miku. I'm so stupid. _The girl thought as she walked into the classroom early, setting down her orange backpack next to the desk. Slowly she unzipped the bag and took out a blank piece of printer paper, sketching drawings of cats onto it. A few moments passed by before she managed to catch a glimpse of teal.

She glanced up to see the girl named Miku take her seat silently. The blonde girl was hesitant in her choice, but decided to go with her original choice. Lifting herself up from the desk she sat in, she headed towards the teal girl.

"Miku?" She called in a soft voice. The teal girl didn't respond, and she could only guess that the girl didn't hear her. "Miku? Miku, I'm sorry for how I acted. It wasn't right of me to yell at you. I know you were worried about me, and I should have taken that into account. But I was just so stressed about it all, you know?"

"..." She seemed to notice the blonde girl, but made no movement.

"Miku, do you forgive me?"

The teal girl lifted her face and flew out of her seat, hugging and squeezing the life out of the younger girl. Miku's face glowed brightly with a friendly smile as she took in all of the girl's words and replaced them with her own. "Of course I forgive you Rinny~! You're one of my best friends!"

Rin managed to squeeze out of the bear-hug and smiled a small smile back at the girl. "You mean that?"

"Obviously!"

Both girls chucked, while a peaceful aura filled the room around them. Rin, now feeling that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, headed back into her desk as the bell started to ring. Putting the cat sketches into her folder, she took out some papers that would be used to get notes for today. Though she was gone awhile, she was smart enough to get the notes and homework from her mother, who had connections.

And even when the class started, her mind kept traveling back to Len and the others. It was torture to only have Miku in this class. Not that it was a bad thing. It was just driving her crazy when she wanted nothing more than to meet up with her friends.

_Thinking about Len again?_

_Didn't I tell you 'goodbye'? _Rin asked, annoyed when her conscience decided to bother her.

_I told you I'd be around for a while, didn't I? _the ghost chuckled. _Besides, you didn't answer me._

_Yes, I was thinking about Len. But I was thinking about the others, too._

_I see. I understand you made amends with Miku? _the ghost continued, acting amused.

_Stop acting like you care, _Rin answer angrily, wanting nothing more to do with her past. Why was her ghost continuing to go on like this, when all she had been doing was torturing her these past few weeks- hell, even years!

_But I do care, _she whispered. _I'm just trying to keep all the others safe from you. Something you happened to forget._

_I never forgot anything._

_Have you not, child? Don't you remember saying a certain promise?_

_What promise? _Rin challenged.

_I take that as a no, then,_she teased.

_Tell me. What promise did I happen to forget?_

_Oh, nothing important to you, I suppose, _then she whispered evilly into my ear, sending shivers down my spine and bumps down my arms. "_I swear on this day, for Mikuo, myself, and any other innocent soul out there_, _I will __**never**_ _love again," Isn't that what you said, child?_

_Maybe I did..._

_Maybe, child? You did promise. Do you not remember that day? Here! Maybe I can help with that!_

Waves of pain started rushing through the blonde's head, causing her to cringe slightly. Memories of that day started swarming through her brain as she tried to recover from the sudden shock. The sunny day, with the teal haired boy turning his back and fading, as if he was disappearing from existence. Tears were falling down a young girl's face as she finally decided to get up and make her way back home, ignoring the strange and concerned look of strangers passing by. Her tears were gone by the time she got home, and when her mom asked what happened, she lied.

Then the pain was gone as the memory disappeared.

_Alright, alright. I remember. _The girl thought.

_I'm glad you finally do, _The ghost continued. _Now will you give up and admit that the only reason you're going after Len is because you're trying to replace that Mikuo boy? Or maybe you're trying to replace that second one. What was his name again, demon? Do you remember him? Maybe you're addicted to your toys. After all, you can't fall in love that quickly, can you?_

_I am NOT replacing anyone! _the girl screamed in her mind. _And I am not a demon. Haven't we gone through with this before, like this morning? And of course I remember his name._

_Then why aren't you telling me his name?_

_Because he's gone too. He's no longer here._

_If he is gone, why would it be so bad to remember him?_

_One memory is enough to worry about._

_So you'll toss HIM away, like so many others, but you'll leave Mikuo in your memory? You broke so many hearts and crushed so many lives, yet you only chose to remember one single heart? What a spoiled child, picking favorites..._

_Leave, now._

_Why, child? Am I bothering you? Or do you understand the truth now?_

_You're not the truth._

_And I told you, I'm not a lie._

_Leave._

The girl didn't hear anymore interruptions from her mind once the final command was thought, but it didn't leave her at ease. She decided to move on, and try to go for Len. Even if the similar boy cannot cure her, at least he can give her the confidence to learn from her mistakes. All she needs is a nudge...

But still. Her stomach continued to twist and turn, knotting itself. Why would her demon bring up the other boy? He wasn't here anymore, either.

Suddenly, her confidence disappeared. Was this really what she wanted? And was she ready to move on? The demon continued to get to her. She was so busy trying not to forget Mikuo that she had forgotten the other boy. And what would happen to her down the road if Rin really decided to be with Len? Would she break him too?

Mikuo's final words and fresh tears continued to play in her mind. And so did a certain red-head's.

_I hurt him too, didn't I?_

"Ms. Kagamine. Are you alright? You are quite pale," The teacher spoke up from the board, looking at the blond. Students turned around to face the poor girl as she blinked a few times to escape her mental prison. Her mind was finally able to process the question.

"No, sir. I'm quite alright," she said, faking a smile. The teacher nodded.

"Alright then," and he continued his lesson.

* * *

**Rin's POV**

It shouldn't be that hard to remember a name, right?

So why is it that I can't remember the redhead?

I can see his face in my mind, and I can barely remember his voice, but I draw a blank every time I try to draw a name. Why is this so?

I didn't know what to think. All I could do was sit down at the lunch table I normally sit at and pick at my lunch. The sky was clear as the frost started to gather around. It was nearly December now, and the lack of birds simply proved it, as they had moved south, or remained to be clumped together for warmth. But it was so confusing to me.

I was so confident this morning. I was ready to leave. I had felt no regret or sadness when I thought of the strength of my mother and my friends, and when I felt the strength of the idea of being with Len. So why was it that a simple voice was able to destroy that strength with new words?

Maybe it was because I didn't know as much as I thought I knew.

Maybe it was because I was afraid of not knowing what I thought I knew.

Maybe I was afraid of change?

I simply didn't know.

"Rin!" I heard a familiar voice, mature voice call out. A familiar voice I haven't heard in my few weeks of absence. Looking up, I could see Luka heading over to the table and setting down her school lunch, followed by Miku, Meiko, and Kaito.

"Hey, Luka," I mumbled, managing a weak smile.

"Yo, kiddo. You okay?" The brunette called out as everyone too their respective places- Luka and her in front of me and the blue-haired boy sitting beside me. "What's eating you?"

"I'm fine," I whispered, not having much energy. "Just thinking, like usual..."

"About?" asked Kaito.

"What do you think?" I muttered, not really in the mood to talk, or even be nice.

"And how?"

"What do you mean, how?"

"In a depressing way or in a somewhat okay way?" asked the blunette.

I looked up at the boy sitting next to me, not really having any energy to glare or be mad. I didn't want to say anything because it would most likely end up as a bicker with the way I was feeling. To be honest, I didn't know why I was so angry and so exhausted over such a simple subject. I mean, I dealt with this before. But I've already asked the question before, and I will probably never know the answer.

"..."

"Sorry," I said softly, looking back at my lunch before picking at it once again. "I've just been a bit upset lately. Meaning this morning,"

"Is it because of-?" The teal girl asked, leaning slightly closer as if wanting to hear a story.

"Yes, it is."

"Back to square one, I guess," Luka said, shrugging her shoulders. All I could do was grunt a reply and continue to pick at the food. Somehow the edible substance didn't make me feel any better as I thought about the demon that kept haunting my mind.

"I just don't know," I whispered, not realizing that I was talking. "I thought I was ready to move on. I felt so confident and so strong. But when I got to first hour, that stupid ghost kept bringing me down over and over again. Now I feel as bad as when I was gone.

"I don't even know why her words brought me down. I didn't think that other's opinions could get to me so easily. I just don't understand why I was able to persuade myself to give in only a single moment..." A sigh escaped my lips. "I don't know why I lost strength so easily. And I was so sure of myself, too..."

But before my thoughts could roam any farther, the bell rang.

* * *

**General POV**

"You ready, Kaito?" He nodded curtly. Meiko smirked and turned away from him, standing up a little taller to scout for the blonde. "HEY, LEN!" she hollered, waving her hand after spotting him standing under a tree in the courtyard.

"Hm?" he asked, turning around from where he stood. He saw the two seniors- friends of Luka and Rin's. "Yes?"

"Hey, where you goin'?" she asked, rushing to catch up with him with an ear-to-ear grin. Kaito followed more gingerly with a slight smile on his head, holding his hand up in salute to Len.

"Nowhere, really," he said, having a puzzled look on his face.

"Sweet, we can hang for a bit then? And I know this is weird and sudden," she answered, interrupting him as he opened his mouth to reply. "But, well, not really hang, but you come with us."

"We have a message from Rin; she wants you to meet you at a specific place. We'll bring you, but leave, so don't worry," Kaito explained.

"Wait! Rin's back? Since when?" his eyes grew wide. There wasn't a hint of Rin's existence since when they hung out that one day. Not even Luka could get a hold of the blonde girl.

"You didn't know? Well, more the reason to see her then," Meiko added, gently beginning to lead him towards the school. "The spot's kind of weird, so that's why she wants us to lead you there."

"Alright," he said, following the two, not questioning their motives. Too bad he didn't except what was coming. Meiko and Kaito expertly kept the conversation to a minimum, Meiko answering most of Len's questions with carefully chosen wording.

"We're here," she suddenly announced, stopping rather abruptly. Slyly, without Len's noticing, Kaito and Meiko switched places. Kaito moved up to Len's right while Meiko was a bit behind.

"Don't ask us why here," Kaito told Len smoothly, casually moving across him to lean against the door to Len's left with his arms crossed.

"Well, this is strange..." he trailed off. The seniors didn't reply and Kaito glanced to his right. Meiko, from behind Len, nodded once and quickly reached round him, putting her hand on his mouth and her other round his upper torso. Kaito watching from the corner of his eye, spun the handle and yanked the door open. Meiko, with no hesitation, threw him in roughly and the two slammed it shut, locking it with a spare set of keys Meiko swiped from the janitor.

"Wow. That was easier than I thought," Meiko commented.

"He's a sophomore, what do you expect? 'Gullible isn't in the dictionary.'" Kaito replied with a shrug.

"Well I thought I was seriously going to have to drag him here, kicking and screaming, or thrashing like a goldfish on a frying pan!"

"Well, it was easier than that...don't complain."

"Pssh, would have been more fun!"

"How? We'd just get bruises!"

"Yeah, YOU would, maybe..."

"Exactly!" The two, in deep debate, continued, their conversation fading away from the boy locked in the closet. Slams could be heard coming from the closet door.

"Let me out of here!" he yelled. "You bastards!"

"Ha, listen to him! Can I get this on a recording?"

"No, Meiko."

0o0o0o

Rin started to walk out of the gate as the school let out its final bell. Her head was down as the ghost's words continued to echo through her busy mind, like a swarm of angered bees. She passed by everything without once glancing up as she continued to remain deep in thought. After all, how could something not be the truth, but not be a lie, either?

In her zoned state, however, Rin failed to notice two figures moving in front of her; one with teal pigtails and the other with long, pink hair. At least she failed to notice until she ran right into the teal girl.

"Oof," she mumbled as she looked up to see them. A weak smile made its way to her face. "Oh, hey guys. Didn't see you there,"

"Hey, Rinny!" Miku cheered. "We got a surprise for you!"

"A surprise?" the girl asked, slightly confused.

"Yep that's right!" Luka said with a grin on her face.

"Hm?" The blonde looked puzzled, with her head tilted to the side slightly as if she were a confused puppy. "What kind of surprise are we talking about?"

"A special surprise, of course!" Miku exclaimed once more, grabbing the blonde's hand and rushing down the school hallways. The pinkette followed as well, keeping up as the teal-haired girl blazed down the sidewalk, her pigtails flying behind her. Rin would only continue to be dragged, trying to find out what was going on.

They finally arrived, to see nothing but a door in the empty hallway. Raising an eyebrow, the blonde looked at her two friends curiously. The teal girl opened the door...

...And she was shoved in by the taller, and much stronger, pinkette.

The door slammed behind her as she whirled around, grabbing the door and turning the knob wildly. With no success, she started pounding on the door much like the other blonde had done. "Let me out! This is not cool, guys!" She yelled.

"Hey, you got her!" Meiko congratulated, walking in with a cup of coffee in her hand. Kaito followed behind with an ice cream cone, looking far more content than before, since he was so deprived of his precious frozen water.

"Hah, of course we did," Luka expressed.

"Good job," Kaito mumbled, too engrossed in his Vanilla and chocolate-topped treat.

"Thanks! You two too!" Miku replied cheerily. Meiko handed her an extra cup, filled with a frothy latte, which Luka took gratefully.

"We should celebrate!" Meiko proclaimed.

"No beer!" Kaito snapped sharply, taking a sip of her drink.

"Aww, no fun..."

"Guys!" a female voice came from the other side of the door. "I can hear every freaking word you're saying! NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID PEOPLE!"

"...Rin?"

The blonde girl turned around, seeing another figure in the small closet. "Len?" she called in a soft voice.

"Hey,"

"Oh. Hi," Rin smiled softly, trying to hide her nervousness. Instead she turned around and continued pounding the door, hoping to get her friends' attention. A chuckle could be heard from the blond behind her as she stopped pounding on the janitor's door, realizing it was no use. With one final kick at the metal door (and a small squeak of an 'ow' from Rin), she slumped down to the ground and huffed. "Stupid people. Who do they think they are?"

"Well, stronger for one thing. Smarter for another. Oh, and older too," Len shrugged, his smirk growing as he teased the girl.

"You're not helping my case, Len," she grumbled. "So they threw you in here, too?"

"Yup. Tricked me to coming here then the brunette just threw me inside- quite literally. What did they do to you?"

Rin huffed angrily and pouted. "Miku said she had a surprise for me. Then she opened the door and Luka threw me in. To think I once trusted her! Trusted them!" The last statement earned a small chuckle from Len. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling brightly. Rin turned her head away from him, her face turning slightly pink as she saw his smile. But before it lasted long, she turned back to him. It was obvious from the look in her gaze that a plan was brewing in her mind.

"So, how do we get back at those idiots? I say we toss them in front of a truck,"

"Isn't that a little violent, Rin?" he asked.

"You're right," she said. Turning her head sideways to think- her hand was stroking her imaginary beard- she thought of another one. With a bright smile, she explained her next thought. "How about we toss them in front of a _car_?"

"Rin," Len chuckled, shaking his head.

"It's less violent," she whined, pouting.

"Still. In front of a car?"

"Would you rather the lava pit or the shark tank?" She questioned.

"What other ideas do you have in that brain of yours?"

"I have many, many things that go on in my mind. It's a large collection of things. Those are all small compared to what else goes on up in there," Rin smiled evilly.

"Sometimes I'm afraid to know," he laughed. The girl raised an eyebrow, looking at the other sophomore curiously.

"What do you mean that you're afraid to know?"

"Nothing, nothing," And he waved it away, letting out the remainder of his laughter. Rin was thinking whether or not to pursue the thought, but there was something else that was occupying her mind.

"Anyway, what ARE we going to do about those so called friends of mine? I mean, you obviously don't agree with the truck or the car…"

"Let's leave them be,"

"Leave them be? What fun is that? I mean, they locked us in a small janitor's closet, and you want to let them go?" Rin looked dumbfounded as she expressed her concern. But Len continued on.

"We'll leave them be until this is all forgotten. Then we'll get them all when they least expect it,"

"Then we will do what, exactly?" she raised her eyebrow.

"Not the truck or car, I assure you," Len smiled.

"You really don't know how to have fun, do you, Len?"

"That's not what most of the girl's say about me," He chuckled.

"Len!" Rin growled, staring angrily at him. By this point he burst out into full laughter as he ignored the blonde girl's stares. "You know I hate it when you joke about that kind of thing!"

"Alright, alright," he choked out after finally calming down- which didn't take long, as Rin's glare somehow made the room grow colder. With a cough to clear his throat, he continued as he thought about the girl in front of him. "You know, you act like a completely different person sometimes,"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, raising her eyebrow for the millionth time.

"I mean, you're normally so cold and distant from everyone. At school, you do your work and that's all you seem to focus on. Almost no one can reach you, and you're always so defensive and so quiet. But when we were walking together that one evening, and even now, you act so open and so happy. Sure, you can be a little violent, but you're just so expressive,"

"I guess I just don't like people seeing who I really am,"

"Why not? I think it's cute," He spoke sweetly.

"Well," she paused for a second, thinking of her answer. No longer was she pouting like a small child, but rather she was honestly trying to think of some sort of excuse. "It's not how you survive in the real world..."

"And being a bitch is?" he replied bluntly, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm not being the b-word," she grumbled under her breath. "I'm not being mean to anyone. I'm just trying not to be seen, you know?"

"You're doing a bit of a bad job of that." He spoke softly.

"Gee, thanks," She grumbled, bringing her knees to her chest and hiding her face in her knees.

"Hey, just trying to help! How is not being seen good in the world? Plus, I'm sure everyone will appreciate the happy Rin." He waved his hands, mentally slapping himself for phrasing his last statements so badly.

She stopped responding for a moment, trying to think of a way to put her words. "I just rather go through my life and live it without eyes looking at me every step of the way. Besides, I don't want to be seen a childish person who is naive and ignorant. No one likes an annoying child..."

"Well, I don't see you as an ignorant child. I see you as a very mature and thoughtful woman; why else would you try to be unnoticed?"

Rin's face started to turn slightly pink with this statement as a fuzzy feeling warmed her chest. A slightly awkward giggle escaped her lips. "I just don't like attention. I don't like standing by myself in the spotlight, because my mistakes are more noticeable that way,"

"What mistakes?" he murmured with a smile.

"You know, the usual mistakes. Saying words in the wrong order, messing up on a syllable, giving the wrong answer. You know, the usual stuff I always mess up on,"

"You mean the stuff we all mess up on? Trust me, it'll just make you more normal; no one will hate you for that."

"I know. But it still feels uncomfortable when people give me strange looks and laugh at me..."

"I'm sure it does; does for everyone. Just ignore them."

The smile that was on her face grew wider for a brief second, before she dared to ask. "Len, why do you care so much about me? I mean, I'm not very social, and a lot of people don't like me. I'm not popular at all, and I'm sometimes mean to people even when I don't want to be. What is it that you see?"

"Why wouldn't I, Rin? You're my friend and an amazing person. Plus, you can be social, you just don't allow yourself to be. People don't like you because they don't see the real you. Who cares if you're not popular? And so? We all are. We say things we don't mean to.

"What I see is a beautiful woman who underestimates herself far too much. I see someone with so much potential, but she doesn't realise it. And I see someone who I wish I could make happy, because I'm know the world would love to see your smile. We really are all graced by such a holy light."

Her face started turning slightly red as her chest started to flutter. All thoughts about the past and the voice within her disappeared and left her alone as she tried to grasp the unexpected feeling. She was so close to moving on. "Thank you."

"Damn it, Miku! Get away from the door!" Meiko shouted from outside, throwing herself against the door. Miku put her arms on Meiko's shoulders, trying to push her away.

"Come on, Meiko! They've been in there long enough! Can't you just hear the loviness from inside the room? Mission is accomplished~!"

"Oh, but this is fun! Kaito! Back me up here!"

"Err, well..."

"KAITO!"

"Eh, I gotta admit, this IS kinda fun...ow! No need for violence, Luka..."

"Will we ever get out of here?" The blonde girl shook her head sadly, moving to sit next to the blonde boy before the door she had sat behind toppled on top of her.

"Hey, I'm perfectly fine with us staying in here alone together a bit more..." he trailed off huskily, moving to rest his head on her shoulder. Rin flinched from the contact, but soon loosened up as she waited for the door to be pushed down by her friends at any moment.

And for a moment, the world faded.  
There was no teal-headed boy and no redhead to keep her restrained.  
There was no little voice to keep her from moving on.  
There was no one who can keep her in chains.

All there was was another chance.  
Another blessed chance.

_But can you really keep me away?_


	9. Please Forgive Myself

_8,330 words. I really don't think you guys deserve this chapter. I mean, come on. I only got three freaking reviews! I hope you guys appreciate your Kaito and I, because we stayed up until 1:48 in the morning to bring you this chapter. So review gosh dang it!** (Just kidding about hating you all. I love you all! Bu I'm serious about the reviews)  
**_

_**Thanks to**__** DokiDokiKyuuChan, pohkeemawn, and Amechi. You guys were the only ones who reviewed last chapter and inspired me to continue on this chapter. I'm sorry it took so long.**__ X3_**  
****Have a good read!**  


* * *

_I can imagine us now._  
_Singing all the songs of Christmas._  
_You know._  
_Joy to the World,_  
_Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas,_  
_Frosty the Snowman?_

_I always loved the Holidays._  
_I loved how it made me feel so warm inside._  
_I love how it just makes me let go and enjoy myself for once._

_The snow on the ground,_  
_the many colors of the many lights,_  
_something about it all just screams_  
_"Nothing could be better than now!"_

_You know,_  
_I haven't heard from that ghost in a while._  
_I haven't had the nightmares in a few weeks._  
_Maybe I'm finally over that hill._  
_Maybe I revived?_

_I can finally look in the mirror_  
_that haunts my dreams_  
_and instead of seeing the black eyes_  
_or the golden claws_  
_or hearing that deep voice,_  
_I see myself._

_And I'm... happy..._

_At least, that's what I keep telling myself._  
_Am I really that happy?_  
_I know I should never question a good thing._  
_But right now, I can't help it._

_Love tore me apart,_  
_but it can never bring me back to life._  
_So why is it that Len is making me happy?_

_Is it just the holiday spirit?_  
_Is it that that is disguising death?_  
_Or maybe..._

_Maybe I truly am happy._  
_Oh Lord,_  
_Please tell me what is real._  
_It's been so many years._  
_Maybe it's your way of telling me to get over it._

_And maybe I am._

_Well, I guess they're will only be one way to figure out, won't there?_

* * *

**Rin's POV**

There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for the hate I feel for my friends right now. A perfect, little reason that I want to hang my friends above a fire, watching as the rope slowly disappeared and they grew closer to burning. There is a reason I want to choke them and ring their necks. Why, exactly?

They want to plan a party.

Not just any party. Because, you see, the snow is falling on the ground and making the ground slippery. The other students are getting hyper-active and uncontrollable in anxious wait. The fellow residents and house members started hanging up lights and trees and started engorging themselves on sweets. Yes, the Holidays.

Or should I say no, NOT the Holidays.

Ever since my eighth grade year, these girls had been trying to get me with a guy. I keep trying to tell them no, but they'd always try and set up these secret dates and even the occasional mistletoe during the holidays. But somehow I got out of it. One of the poor boys walked away with a bright bruise on his eye. And yet these friends of mine never learn!

After getting thrown in the closet with Len, my friends think that they have won.

Alright, I'll admit it. I'm sort of glad that they put me in there with the blonde boy. It made me feel more comfortable around him, and it made me feel more secure about myself. Being with him also made me grow a little closer to him.

But if I do end up giving Len a chance, and I am still a bit unsure of it, I'm not going to give my friends the satisfaction of thinking it was all because of them.

And I'm not going to give that satisfaction to my mother, either. She also never learns.

"Oh, I just love the holidays," the mother started in another one of those rambles as I stood next to her, kneading the gingerbread dough as she prepared the sugar cookies. I let one ear listen as my mind knew what was coming up. "It's when your father and I first met, at one of the neighbor's parties,"

I nodded, not knowing what to say or wanting to say anything, to be perfectly honest.

"Are you going to a party? I know your friend Miku has one every year at her house,"

"Yes," I spoke, trying to keep the hate out of my throat. Something in the back on my mind said 'just don't go,' but then I realized how the small group of friends I belonged with would kidnap me and tie me to one of the chairs until they were sure I wouldn't run away. It has happened before, and it wasn't fun.

"I wonder if you'll see anyone there," she started, humming slightly to herself. Here it comes. The moment I didn't want to be a part of. "You really should look into getting a boyfriend,"

"Mom," I groaned, starting my side of the argument, "I don't want a boyfriend,"

"But why not, Rinny?" she asked as she usually does. "I think it would be cute," I watched her hands as she used the cookie cutter the shape the dough into the desired design. My mind kept thinking about the excuse I always came up with every year or so.

"I'm not interested in boys," I said, shrugging with indifference.

"Come on, Rinny," she spoke, putting the cookies in the pan and preparing to put them in the oven. She moved with the grace she had earned by doing this movement over the years. "You use that excuse every year,"

"And that excuse still stands true," I grumbled. Mom looked me over for a second before putting the cookies inside the heated machine. I heard her hum her thinking hum before she turned towards me with her mitted hands on her hips.

"That's not what your friends are telling me," she looked carefully at me. "And here you are saying you're not interested in boys. You're not lying to me now, are you?"

My stomach gave a sudden turn when I thought about what I was saying exactly. I felt the smile that was engraved on my face falter slightly as I remembered the exact reasons I said I would never be interested in boys. But now that Len was here, that excuse would no longer be true. And because the blonde-haired boy was here, no longer would my promise be true. Was it all worth it?

"Rin?" Mom looked at me curiously. "You're not zoning out again, are you?"

"Um, no. I wasn't zoning out," I lied quickly, putting the smile back on my face. "And as for lying, that's for you to guess,"

"I'm never going to understand you, Rinny-kins," she went to the sink to start washing her hands. I watched my mom while sitting down in one of the dining room chairs. A comfortable silence settled between us two as the smell of peanut-butter cookies and gingerbread men filled the kitchen-dining room hybrid. Suddenly Mom spoke. "So are you going to that party this year."

"I kind of have to," I groaned.

"Nobody can force you to go," Mom said in that voice of hers.

"Um, yes hey could," I replied quickly, cutting off my mother before she could respond. "Remember back in eighth grade? I refused to go to the first party, and they knocked down my bedroom door with a battering ram and kidnapped me. They even tied me to a chair once we got there so I wouldn't flee!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that. You kept trying to get me to help you,"

"And you didn't, thanks a lot," I let the sarcasm drip in my voice. Mom took no notice to my comment.

"I take it you don't want to be kidnapped again, so you better call Miku and tell her what's up,"

With a sigh as a reply, I got up from the chair I sat on and started to work my way up the stairs and into my bedroom. Once the gentle click of the closed door sounded behind me, I made my way to my bed and laid down on my stomach. From the nightstand I gabbed my phone and glanced at the time.

Only nine. I could have sworn it was going to be later than this, I thought.

I held the cell phone in front of me for a long time, staring at Miku's number. Did I really want to go to this party? After all, I was pretty sure I could hide from her this time. Last time she caught me by surprise, and I could easily find a good hiding place until the commotion had died down.

But the teal-haired girl is very stubborn, and had found almost all of my hiding places last year when I tried to hide. I had to convince her that I would go on my own free will without her having to tie me up and worry about escaping. So she would know where to find me this time.

I might as well try to see how this party will turn out.

I lifted the device to my ear after pressing the send button. It rang a couple times before a high pitched, cheery voice came on the line. "Rinny!"

"Hi Miku," I grumbled.

"You don't sound very happy," I could hear her pout in her tone.

"No, I'm just a little upset, and it's not at you," I half-lied. "Mom started up that discussion again. You know? The one where she thinks I should try and find a boyfriend."

"Oh. That again," she replied. "Did you talk to her about Len?"

"No. I told her the same thing as I do every year. I told her that I wasn't interested in boys,"

"Rinny. You know that isn't true!" She cheered happily. That gut feeling appeared in my stomach again before suddenly vanishing. It bugged me, but it didn't seem to affect me much. Maybe I was just imagining things.

"I know, I know." I groaned.

"Do you want it to be true?" she asked like a girl who was thirsty for good gossip. Sadly enough, she was.

"Yes... No... I just don't know," I sighed. "And please don't question me about it. I called to say I'm coming to the party in my own free will, but if you do question me, I'll go find a new hiding spot and hide until the night's over,"

"Rinny," she gasped. "I respect your wishes, you know that!"

I sighed. "Do you need help setting up the party?"

"No, no. I got it all under control! I'm just going to be over early to get you in your best dress and take you over, alright?"

"Do I really have a choice?" I asked.

"Nope!"

"I'll expect you here around five, I guess," I sighed.

* * *

I looked up from where I sat in the large, black car. White flakes of soft snow started to gather on the ground in this gentle night. The sun was hanging onto it's last bit of sky, giving off a light hue of gold and pink that reflected in the untouched pieces of the white blanket that covered the world. It was peaceful, and it calmed my nerves.

I had started to block out Miku's rambling words as I left this world and entered my own to think. It was just so beautiful and so calm. For once, maybe it was a good idea that I came willingly, instead of kicking and screaming. The mood was definitely better, I can admit that. Sometimes I just wish he was here to see it.

Him... Mikuo...  
It's just so strange. So long ago, his name used to bring me to tears. Tears that would make me clutch myself and make me double over from the unreal pain of heartache. Later on that name would only make he sad and bring down my spirits. But I don't feel anything now...

Do I...?

My stomach gave another turn, but I paid it no mind. I was anxious for the party to begin. So many times these girls would try to pair me up with a boy, but the last two times failed. I was hoping that old saying 'third time's the charm' would backfire. But only God knows what's going to happen.

Silently, I watched the sun's golden rays shift with elegance as we approached the great house of Hatsune. Before getting out of the black car, I closed my eyes and whispered a silent prayer.

"Lord, I ask you. Please don't let this year go too badly. Please protect me and keep me safe this year,"

Opening the door, I stepped outside and let my black boots sink into the snow slightly. A smile way its way onto my face as I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and I stepped inside of the door. Not many people were here, for the party wasn't to begin for another hour or so, but it still had a festive aura to it.

In the very center of the large living room rested a very tall, very green Christmas evergreen. It was covered in red and blue orbs, while gold and silver boas made their way around the tree in circles. Lights shone brightly off of it's branches as it's forest smell permeated the room. My eyes lit up at such a wonder, and it was only the tree itself!

The room itself had few, complimenting decorations as if to show off the large evergreen. The carpet, already white as snow, housed nicely-picked out, red and gold couches and love seats. Snowflakes hung from the ceiling as little stockings hung from the lit fireplace. I noticed that right near it a single mistletoe hung among the many snowflakes. I had to be careful of that.

Letting myself roam the house, I came across a large dining room that was sure to be where the food was to be served. The table was long and had a rich, dark oak color. It had many chairs that hung onto its sides that also seemed to be made of the same rich material. It seemed to be large enough to serve twenty- though I might just be exaggerating. Every couple feet, on the center of the table, held a glowing candle that just invited others to come and sit down at this place. The plates, napkins, and silverware will still to be passed out, however.

The rest of the house was clean and well decorated with the same theme as those two rooms. Snowflakes, plants, bright colors, and many other features covered the place. By the time I had reached the living room once more, the rest of our group of friends were here.

"Oh, goody, you're finally here. We didn't have to drag you forcibly at our ankles this time."

"Now, now, Meiko, be nice..."

"Meiko..." I grumbled. "If I remember, it was your idea to break down my door with a battering ram. And it was your idea to tie me up into a chair so I couldn't escape... But I guess it's nice to see you too," she added sarcastically. Despite it, though, she let a smile crack as she was happy to see them.

"Hey, hey, we only had to use the battering ram because your door has too many fucking locks."

"And then you kept making bondage jokes..." Kaito reminded her.

"Hey, hey! Someone had to!" Meiko protested.

"Completely. Unnecessary," Luka hissed under her breath.

"You two! Shush! No dirty jokes at my Christmas party!"

"You guys are terrible," I laughed. "Remind me why the heck I am even friends with you..."

"'Cause we the best, duh," Miku joked flippantly.

"Duh, winning."

I shook my head and laughed, along with the others. But something in the back of my mind kept traveling to one thing. With a heavy sigh, I felt my face grow serious. "Please tell me you didn't invite Len..."

"Weeeeeell..."

"Please..." I groaned, feeling a headache coming on. "You're not planning anything... please tell me that you're not planning anything. The closet was bad enough!"

"Us? Planning? What is this blasphemy?"

"Yeah, as blasphemous as a sober Lindsay Lohan...ow!"

"Oh Lord," I sighed. "Why do you guys throw these Christmas parties? To get me paired up with someone? This is the third year in a row!"

"Third time's the charm!"

"Well, there is a reason we drag you, kicking and screaming here..."

"We put hard work into this, Rin!"

"Hard work? Ever thought that this damages me, not helps me?" I asked softly, looking at them. I didn't mean to sound harsh in my voice, but some years of frustration had to be released somehow.

"No rain, no rainbow," was all Kaito simply said, dispersing the small crowd of people.

"I give up. Guess I just got to be careful around you guys." I sighed as I walked around the very festive house. Many more people from school had shown up, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Having a little bit of peace and quiet helped calmed my anxious nerves as I listened to everyone drink a soda and have a good time. With nothing else to do, I just watched the party unfold before a flash of teal caught my arm and dragged me to a large circle of seven people sitting on the floor in what seemed to be a family room.

I noticed that my group of friends sat scattered in the circle. Meiko was sitting beside the blue haired Kaito, laughing at some crude humor. A couple girls that I recognized from school sat together in the circle as well- a hyper, cheerful looking girl with red twirls, and a blonde who was too busy texting on her phone to really care much about what was going on. Len was sitting beside Luka, with the two involved in what seemed to be some serious conversation. Nervous about what was to go down, Miku and I took a place beside Luka.

"Alrighty!" Miku cheered in that booming voice of hers. "It's time for some truth-or-dare!" Several groans escaped the crowd as a couple cheered. Most, however, were not really caring. "Okay... Mine turn. Meiko. Truth or dare!"

"Why me first?"

"'Cause you're special. Now choose!"

"Fiiiine, dare."

"Okay...I dare you to...kiss Kaito on the lips for..."

"Twenty seconds," Luka inputted quickly with an innocent smile. Meiko's eyes blazed.

"FINE. SHION, get over here." Kaito put his hands up nervously.

"Wait a second, I don't like my part in this!"

"You have no say in this. Now grow a pair and kiss." And with that, Meiko jumped the cowering man.

"Twenty, nineteen, eighteen..." Miku counted slowly.

"Don't look so petrified, Kaito," Luka reprimanded with a smirk. "You get to kiss a girl who has a tomb raider body. Two in one."

"First and last," I added with a smirk. He rolled his eyes, but soon looked as though he was getting into the kiss.

"When Meiko comes up, I want to hear something about tongue!" Luka joked, taking a quick snapshot with her cell phone.

"...two, one! Okay, you're done!" Immediately, the two pulled away from each other. "Aww, I thought you would have kept going..."

"Shut up, Hatsune," Meiko snapped. "Man, that sucked. Shion, work on your kissing."

"Um..."

"How? He has no one to practice on."

"Hey!"

"It's okay, I have a mannequin you can practice on," I said, smirking. "Want her? Name's Delilah."

"Take it. Only girl you'll ever get," Meiko told him with a nudge.

"I hope you all die."

"Okay!" Miku quickly said before anyone could die. "Meiko's turn!"

"Hm...Megurine, truth or dare?"

"...truth."

"Soo...did you get to second base with that purple-haired fellow yet?"

"MEIKO!" The brunette let out a hearty laugh.

"Ooh, who is this purple haired guy? I wanna know!" Miku asked excitedly. Luka's cheeks became splattered with a deep crimson.

"No one," she muttered under her breath. "And no, we haven't, because we are not dating."

"Aww, but I wanna know!" I smirked, seeing my chance to punish Luka for planning the closet plan.

"Oh, it's no one. Unless you mean Gakupo Kamui. You know. The twenty year old who hangs out with her all the time."

"God damn it, Rin!"

"Ooh, him? He's pretty hot, Luka. Good choice!"

"...wait, that was a man?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, Kaito..."

"THE LONG HAIR THREW ME OFF, OKAY?"

"Anyway, it's your turn, Luka," I added in once the entire group calmed down from the sudden laughter that had resulted from Kaito's stupidity. Even I had a hard time breathing.

"Bah. Kaito, truth or dare?"

"...truth."

"Did you like that kiss with Meiko?"

"...damn. You."

"THAT'S A YES!" Miku screamed excitedly. Meiko raised her eye brows at Kaito while I let out a loud laugh.

"NO IT IS NOT."

"Please. A 'yes' means yes, a 'no' means yes, and no answer means 'FUCK YES, LET'S DO IT AGAIN'," Luka explained in some screwed up logic that somehow made sense.

"LUKA!"

"Huh. Wow, Shion, you really don't get out much if you think that was good, huh?"

"..."

"How cute."

"I think we know who we're getting together next."

"..."

"...excuse me?"

"Yes, and this time, I can feel the satisfaction of being able to ram through your door and tie you up," I retorted.

"That's what she said," Neru muttered under her breath, flipping and closing her phone repeatedly in one fluid motion.

"...I don't get it!" Teto whined while the rest of us burst out laughing.

"Never knew you were into that, Rinny," Meiko teased.

"Hey, there are a lot of things you don't now about me," I replied with a wink, sending the room into more fits of laughter. "Anyway, now it's your turn to serve, Kaito."

"Oh, wee," Kaito muttered. "Teto, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" she replied happily, not knowing what the senior could be planning for her.

"Hm..." Kaito muttered with a devilish look on his face. Suddenly, Meiko burst out laughing with no explanation as to why.

"Uh oh."

"You haven't had a first kiss, right, Teto?"

"Um, no, why?" she asked, cocking her head. The rest us began to slowly let out low snickers.

"Hey, hey, can't ask a question. Only for truth," Miku scolded lightly with a smile. Kaito put his hands up.

"I just want to make sure that she's ready for when I dare her to make out with Neru."

"WHAT?" Neru screamed, cell phone clattering to the floor while Teto looked completely horrified.

"I dare you! Now, twenty seconds!"

"...Kaito, you're so mean!"

"I think you should be offended, Neru. She's implying you're a bad kisser."

"Fuck you, Sakine."

"GO, god damn it!" Meiko snapped impatiently.

"God, you wanna see this so badly..." Kaito muttered.

"For the love of god..." Luka muttered, standing up. She grabbed Neru's tie and yanked her up to her feet while grabbing Teto's tie. Before the two could react, she smashed their heads, forcing them to kiss. I was on the ground, rolling around and holding my stomach as laughter escaped me in huge bouts.

"Good job, Luka!" Meiko complimented proudly.

"Yeah!" I yelled through laughter. "Good job!" Luka smirked while looking at the clock, counting them down.

"Okay, you two are done. And don't worry, you two looked very hot like that," Luka told them calmly.

"Fuck. You," Neru growled, grabbing her phone. She began ramblings under her mouth about pink-haired bitches and stupid games of perversion.

"So Teto's turn," I said, unusually cheery.

"Um..." she mumbled, bright red in the face. "Um...Rin, truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess..." I mumbled, my mood dropping suddenly. After those two make-out scenes, I was not letting my friends get to me that easily. There was no way in hell I was going to do a dare with them around.

"Um..." Teto stuttered. Looking like a light bulb flashed over her head, Miku leaned over and whispered something in the red-head's ear. "What would you do in my closet with Len for seven minutes?" I almost choked when she whispered back to Miku, "What does that mean?" Miku responded by patting her on the shoulder.

"Um... I plead the fifth?" I asked nervously, trying to stall.

"Shit answer," Meiko snapped sharply.

"Do I have to answer?" I asked very nervously, looking at the teal-haired girl.

"Meiko and Kaito kissed, Teto and Neru kissed, and Luka had to admit her 'fling' with Gakupo. So YES."

"Oh, shut up, Miku."

"NEVER speak of that AGAIN."

"It's not a fling! It's not anything, damn it!"

"In all honesty?" I gulped, looking at Len from the corner of my eyes and turning red. I thought carefully, keeping silent for the longest time. I finally replied with what I thought I would actually do. "I'd probably try to find a way out."

"OBJECTION!" Meiko screamed, standing up and shooting her pointer finger at me.

"Well," I whispered, willing the deep blush on my face to go away. "It's what happened when you guys threw me in the janitor's closet. I'd probably find a way out for seven minutes."

"That's not what you would do in your head if you had the choice," Kaito muttered quickly under his breath.

"I guess it's my turn, right?" I asked. With no objections, I looked around the room until I found the only two who haven't had a chance yet. With a shrug I continued. "Truth or dare, Neru?"

"Truth," she murmured, tapping away continuously at her keys.

"Who invited the killjoy?" Meiko whispered to Luka.

"Miku, of course," was the level reply.

I thought for a couple seconds, and I could find no good questions came to mind. With I shrug, I turned to Luka and Miku beside me. I whispered in both of their ears, "What should I ask?"

"If you had to spend eternity with one person, what would you do?" Miku suggested with a shrug.

"Who is the one person you would fuck and why, given the chance? And no saying no," Luka told me. "Because we all know you are as horny as every other teen in this world. Say that."

For a moment I considered both of their question before I finally decided that the pink-haired woman had the better choice. Taking a deep breath, I told Neru the question that Luka had suggested.

"...are you fucking with me, Kagamine?"

"Quit swearing so much!" Miku protesting with her own sort of Miku Glare.

"Just answer," I added, wanting to hear her answer.

"...Len Kagamine. Yes," She muttered. Immediately, I flared in envy while Len raised his eyebrows. "Whatever. Len, truth or dare?"

"I'll do a dare," he responded with a smile.

"Finally, someone with balls..." Meiko muttered.

"Okay...I dare you to kiss Rin under the mistletoe," she said lazily.

"...WHAT?" I screamed.

"...are you serious?" Len asked, eyes wide.

"HA! Good one, Akita!" Meiko yelled triumphantly.

"Ooh, this'll be fun..." Kaito mutterd.

"How juicy," Miku squealed.

"Ooh, how interesting," Luka mused.

"There is NO FUCKING WAY I am doing that. Don't even think about it, Len." I yelled.

"Yes you are," Neru and Meiko said evenly.

"Um..." Len muttered.

"No means no," I said, grabbing onto the closest chair so I couldn't be dragged. I watched them all with glaring eyes as I tried not to let go at all costs. Meiko rolled her eyes. For a moment the room stood still and no one did anything. I kept my position for a few moments before letting go of the chair that I held onto. "I take it that you're not going to give up, are you guys?"

"Oh, so smart."

"If Len doesn't kiss me you're going to force it to happen, aren't you?" I asked.

"Heh. You know us so well."

"You guys are terrible," I whispered before looking at where the mistletoe hung in front of the fireplace that was right behind the group. I didn't know if I could go through with this. My stomach twisted up as I looked in Len's direction, waiting for him to either say something or not go with the dare.

"So...ready?" he asked nervously.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I whispered, not sure if I could really say anything. Slowly I stood up and walked under the mistletoe, waiting for the dare to start. At least they didn't add a time limit to ours...

He stood in front of me, both of us looking at the ground with faces red. I could feel the others staring, waiting for the dare to happen. But we didn't make any movement. I could feel my breath become slightly shallower as my heart beat grew quicker. My stomach was twisting with nervousness. I gave one glance to Len before nodding. If they didn't do it now, their friends would most likely force their heads together like they had to do for Teto and Neru. With much hesitation, our faces grew closer together. I could feel his breath on my lips as they nearly brushed. My eyes slipped closed as my heart beat in my ear.

_'Please, forget me. Forget me so you can be happy'_  
_'Let's face it. Dreams and fairy-tales never did exist, did they?'_  
_'No one can fall in love that fast, not even humans'_  
_'And obviously you won't care. After all, you're nothing more than a monster.'_  
_'You abandoned him in the mine, didn't you, canary?'_  
_'You broke so many hearts and crushed so many lives'_  
_'What a spoiled child, picking favorites...'_

_'But when you crash only I will be your sanctuary,'_

Without any hesitation I pulled away before we even kissed. I took several steps back, breathing heavily. More words crashed into my head from the dreams and the nightmares as I stepped back several more feet.

_'But don't you know that clipped wings can't fly?'_  
_'I'm just trying to keep all the others safe from you. Something you happened to forget.'_  
_'Am I bothering you? Or do you understand the truth now?'_  
_'Still believing in fairy-tales and wishes, are you? I thought we would have learned by now.'_  
_'If you want to break his heart, go ahead. Smash it like all the others.'_

_'You can't deny what you are and what you are meant to do.'_

I looked around the room at my group of friends, and eventually turning my gaze to Len. I looked for a second, but turned my head away, not wanting to see anymore. Warm, salty tears left trails down my face as I quickly snapped away and ran out the front door and into the cold evening. It didn't matter that I had been only wearing a sleeveless dress. It didn't matter that it was a dark and starless night out.

I just needed to get away.

Before all the memories came back!

Block after block I continued to run, ignoring the pain in my throat and my lungs. I continued to dart forward through the snow despite the cold and despite my legs' growing pain. I just couldn't stop. I can't stop. I need to get away from that house. I need to get away from all of it.

Suddenly I collapsed when my legs couldn't hold me up any longer. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I took the moment to survey the area. I didn't recognize where I was. It wasn't that it was dark, though that might have helped the case, but I didn't know where I ended up. All the houses, all the streets in this neighborhood, were all foreign to me. I couldn't understand where I was, but at least I was away.

Once rested I gathered to my feet, walking this time to find some shelter. Few places looked friendly or safe enough to rest at in this strange place. Though I eventually came across a children's park. Figuring it was the best place I could go, I walked forward to examine it.

Luckily for me, there was just what she was looking for. Slowly I climbed the small steps that led to the children's slide, stopping and sitting once I reached the little room in between. I stopped to catch my breath as I looked out the scratched, plastic window that the small cavern provided. It reminded me of when I was little, and I used to sit and stare out of these rooms in McDonalds.

Without warning the tears continued to rush down my face as I felt myself start to sob. My knees rested against my chest as I hugged myself, drowning in my tears. My stomach twisted and turned with what wasn't anxiety or nervousness. It twisted with guilt.

Guilt that had stored up for years.

"I'm sorry," my hoarse voice sobs into the air, crystallizing into a white cloud. "For so long I've been crying that I was sorry. I don't know why I can't say anything else,"

A vibrating in my purse caught my attention after a couple moments. I pulled out my cellphone and looked at it, looking through blurring tears to see who called. Seeing the number, I hesitated. Of course my friends would be asking why I ran off, but I couldn't answer that.

But I was alone and lost. And they were probably worried.

After a bit of thought the blonde picked up her phone and put it to her ear, doing her best to sound calm when she spoke. "Hello?"

"RIN KAGAMINE!" A chorus of voices sounded, each enunciating every syllable.

"Hey guys," I continued to try and sound calm, though my voice had some waver in it.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

"I... I don't know...," my voice drifted off as I looked through the scratched glass for the cross streets. "Lynne Drive and Palmer Road, it looks like," I added.

"..."

"...Guys?" I sobbed, starting to lose my composure. Not only was some depression setting in, but now I was lost in a strange neighborhood in the middle of the night. I had no idea how I was going to get home. And I didn't even know if I was going to get over this depression. It was really starting to take over...

There was noise in the background of the phone; inaudible voices seemed to be arguing.

"Guys?" my voice was a whisper now.

"Rin," came the soothing voice of Luka, reminding me of my mother. "Stay there. Just relax."

"Can't really go anywhere else," I muttered, failing at an attempt for humor.

"You'll be home in a few minutes, Rin, I promise."

"I know. I trust you guys," I whispered, my voice turning into a white cloud.

"And I trust you will be okay until we get there," she murmured with a very distinct undertone that I couldn't properly place.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," I wiped the tears that were running down my face. "See you guys when you get here,"

"Yes, see you in a bit..." With a click of the phone, all I heard was silence. Setting down the phone, I signed as I let my cheeks rest against my knees. I always hated the silence, because it always made me think. And when I think, the depression would kick in. I don't mean for it to happen that way. It just does.

A sigh escaped my lips as I let fresh tears fall down my face. The images of two boys popped into my mind as I continued to let my mind wander- after all, there was no stopping it. One of the boys had a soft smile and a calm, caring look in his eyes, matching the red hair of his. The other was more wild and open, laughing and smiling with a hand running through his teal hair.

"What I did was stupid, huh?" I asked the empty air. "Running away like that. But I didn't mean for it to end up this way. But I guess it does when I don't think." a humorless laugh escaped her lips. "I think about this all the time, but I don't think about anything else. I don't think about my actions or the consequences. All I think about is me at the moment. And that's how I ended up here. Such a stupid girl I am, aren't I?"

Nothing answered her.

Just the silence.

"And in the end, only you answer back. You stupid silence..." More tears rushed down her face as she broke out into another fit of sobs.

"Don't be so mean to something apathetic."

"Len?" I asked, looking over to where the voice sounded from. I watched him for a quick second before turning my head away, my stomach twisting up.

"Luka said we'd be here. And here I am."

"..." I couldn't say anything. My mind was too twisted up with so many words. I couldn't concentrate. Instead I closed my eyes to try and sort things out.

"We should get you home. It's cold."

"I don't know if I'm ready to go home," I whispered. "I really don't want anyone to see me like this."

"Like what? I see nothing different or wrong."

"I look like a mess. My friends and family are going to know something's up." I whispered back.

"Is that bad?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I don't want the gang to worry. And I don't want to explain what happened to Mom, either."

"What's wrong with worrying?

"Worrying is one thing. But when there's a stupid reason to be worried, that's another thing. Besides, it's this big complicated mess, and it's going to be a pain explaining it to everyone."

"It's not a stupid reason if it makes you upset."

"Yes, it's stupid. It's stupid because it's making me upset," I argued.

"Not stupid to me or anyone else back there."

"You just don't understand."

"Try me."

I didn't reply this time. Would it be safe to tell Len what happened? Maybe I needed to to get this thing off my back. After all, most of the thinking happened around him... and it would only be fair if he knew. "Promise you won't see me any differently?"

"Of course."

I sighed, wondering where to begin. "It's kind of a long story. I really liked a boy I knew a few years ago- Mikuo was his name. He was really nice to me, and we really got along. Every day after school we would meet up and hang out, just sitting there talking and laughing. It was a great way to spend the days. But as we got older, he got busier with homework and sports and other activities. And I know he couldn't help it, but it got to the point I only saw him once every two weeks or so.

"I tried to hold out, but I started to miss Mikuo terribly. Everyday I would wait in the usual spot for him, maybe for an hour or two, but he wouldn't show up. Sometimes he would stop and say hi, but then he would have to leave again right afterward. Maybe I was just stupid and selfish, but it hurt when he couldn't stay.

"Then one day I met a redhead. When I was on the way to our usual place in the park, I saw someone not much older sitting on the bench- this was Ted. He was terribly upset, so I walked over to him and started asking what was wrong. I can't remember exactly what happened, but he got my signals all wrong. I was trying to be his friend, when he thought I meant something more.

"We were in too deep when I finally realized what he thought I meant. But it wasn't his fault. He was really calm and careful. He never made me do something I never wanted to do, and we usually had a great time together. It was me, being stupid and never once thinking about what I was doing. But when I realized that he thought I was more than a friend, I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid of hurting people, even back then, I didn't say no. And I was so afraid of what was going to happen, that I didn't tell either one about the other. But it hurt so much..." at this point the tears that were running down my face wouldn't stop. I took a couple breaths to try and calm myself down before continuing.

"I tried to find a way to make everything right again, but I never could. Mikuo was never around anymore, and I couldn't find a way to make Ted realize that I didn't like him in that way without hurting him. Eventually I grew to really like the redhead as well. Or maybe I didn't. I don't know. Maybe I was just in love with the idea of love. I was just so young and stupid after all.

"Eventually Mikuo and Ted found out about one another. I found out later that they talked to one another. I remember that hurt expression when he came to me, upset about what I did. But he blamed himself for never being around. He blamed himself for hurting me, when it was I that hurt him. And he walked away from me, from our usual place, with such a burden on him. I never meant for it to happen like that. I was never able to say I was sorry...

"Ted and I eventually faded away in the same manor as Mikuo and I did. I never cheated again, but he just grew so busy as him and I started to grow up. But the entire time I just couldn't believe what I did. I couldn't believe I let go what actually mattered to me," a sigh escaped my lips. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I tried to protect them all, but I only ended up hurting everyone in the end. I meant to make everyone happy, but I ended up hurting so many people. I soon came to realize that maybe that's just what I was meant for. Maybe all I was ever put here for was to hurt people.

"I thought I had let go, but I hadn't. Len, please don't be upset by this, but you remind me so much like Mikuo and Ted. You have a little bit of each of them. I'm not replacing them. I really do like you, a lot. But it's just I've never really gotten over it. I don't think I ever could. And... I'm afraid to hurt you. I've always been afraid of hurting you. I've been told that history always repeats itself. And because of that, I've always been afraid. I'm afraid that I'm nothing more than a monster. I've always called myself that, because maybe that's what I am... I've hurt so many innocent people..."

"You didn't mean it."

"I may not have meant it, but it still happened," I whispered through the tears. "No matter the reason behind it, it doesn't change anything. It was still my fault."

"Things happen. You didn't realize. Not everyone is perfect."

"Maybe if I realized sooner..."

"Maybe doesn't solve anything." Len looked at me carefully.

"I know..."

"So why bother with it?"

"I don't know. It's not like I can help thinking about it. I just do. So many times I wonder what it would be like if I never hurt them. And I don't understand why I think about it. All I know is that I just can't let go of it. That's why it's so stupid for others to worry about me when I start thinking. That's why it's so stupid to be thinking about it. There's no reason for it, but I just do."

"If that event didn't happen, you wouldn't be the person you are now. So don't worry about it. Because it made you someone amazing."

"I really wish I wasn't so stubborn sometimes," I whispered to the both of us. "I wish I could let go, Len, but I'm having so much trouble letting go. To be honest, I don't know if I want to let go. I don't know if I want to let go of that history. I know it's causing me pain, but I just can't give it up. I want to let go, but I don't want to. It's confusing..."

"Would you let go for me?" I looked over at the blonde, thinking.

"I don't know if I can..." I looked away. "I can try, but I don't know if I can. I don't want to end up hurting you like I hurt everyone else..."

"You won't hurt me if you try. Only when you don't do anything is when I'm hurt."

"Promise? That if I try, you won't be hurt?"

"Of course."

"I guess I can try." I smiled slightly through the tears.

"Good. Now, let's get back before the others get really worried." He extend his hand out to me with a warm smile. My smiled widened and I grasped his tender hand. He pulled me up silently.

"Um...Len..."

"Yes?"

"You know we...never finished that dare..." He looked at me surprised, but smiled again.

"Well, I didn't know you wanted to."

"...well do you?"

"Only a fool would say no." I smiled wider as he pulled me tighter into his embrace. Our faces got closer until his lips brushed against mine.


	10. Time to End

Hey guys:  
It's the end to the story, I am sorry...  
But look forward to the sequel, **Both Sides of the Angel's Ace  
**Because here, you'll be able to see what happened to Mikuo the entire time...  
And what is the secret behind the blue jay?

Also, one more important announcement!  
I am deciding to become a **vocaloid dubber** on **youtube**!  
Look up **nojomoko**.  
I already did one dub, and I'm planning on doing four more by February!

* * *

_All one needs is forgiveness._  
_A chance to leave it all._  
_Not to escape._  
_Not to hide._  
_But to find the light._

_Love brought me down._  
_And it wasn't supposed to bring me back._  
_But... it wasn't the relationship that helped._  
_My friends and my family helped me._  
_They helped me see reality..._  
_...Those I loved._

_There is no reason_  
_to hang onto something_  
_that shouldn't clutter the house._  
_There is no reason_  
_to hang onto something_  
_that will never change._

_You're allowed to look back_  
_but not to sulk._  
_Look back..._  
_To see how far you have gotten._

_But keep your eyes on the road ahead of you._  
_And if you run into a large wall..._  
_For God's sake..._

_WALK AROUND THE FREAKING THING!_  
_It's not like it's the Great Wall of China!_

_And even if it was,_  
_remember that the Huns got over it._  
_And they were afraid of lightning!_  
_Like me..._

_There's so much I never knew._  
_There's so much I refused to learn._  
_I feel so free._  
_Wings spread,_  
_feathers in the wind_  
_ready to take flight._

_I am ready to leave now._  
_I'm over everything._

_Demon,_  
_Nightmare,_  
_Say goodbye forever._  
_You no longer belong here._  
_So get away from me._

_No matter who you are,_  
_Or where you've been,_  
_Remember one thing..._  
_No one is evil,_  
_Just as no one is good._

_I don't care who you are._  
_Nothing you've done can define you._  
_Because you always change._  
_Kinda like Africa on the map..._  
_No other continent is as disfigured_  
_Nor as changed on every map as Africa._  
_So let's all be Africa..._

_Be better and always be different_  
_Than what is written on paper._

_And it's alright to be Alice,_  
_Enjoy a little sleep,_  
_Until it is time to wake up._  
_Then wake up to a bright day._

_And when it rains,_  
_Think this:_  
_Nice. Now I get a free shower!_  
_And when it's snowy,_  
_Think this:_  
_I wonder how many angels will be born today._  
_And when it is sunny,_  
_Think this:_  
_I'm nice and toasty. Thanks world!_

_Okay..._  
_Maybe you shouldn't be that bright..._  
_But still._  
_It's nice to wake up and think_  
_about something wonderful and new_  
_Instead of dreadful and old._

_The canary can breathe:_  
_It's no longer trapped in the dust._  
_The mourning dove can fly:_  
_It's feathers have grown._

_I'm finally free..._

_And Mikuo..._  
_Wherever you may be._  
_Thank you._

_I am sorry for what I did._  
_But it's time for both of us to move on._  
_And thank you..._  
_For teaching me..._

_Thank you for helping me fly._  
_My friend,_  
_My teacher,_  
_Thank you._  
_You silly blue jay._

0o0o_  
_

The blonde set down the pencil and closed the small book that she had in her lap. Her blue eyes looked around to where her friends sat, laughing and giggling. The entire event had been a scare for the lot, and the girl did feel slightly guilty that she had caused such worry for her lot, but the worst was over now. With a smile on her face, she set her book on the small table beside her and jumped into the lap of Len, who suddenly grew shocked by the sudden assault. Without a care she got comfortable, sitting in his lap and leaning back with her head in the crook of his neck. With a gentle grin he wrapped his arms around her.

"Aww... How cute!" Miku cheered, her hands clasped together with glee.

"Yeah, whatever," Neru grumbled, leaning against the wall and plotting her revenge. Her phone had been locked by the blue haired senior, who happened to change the password and refused to give the girl the code. Everyone looked over and glared.

"Do you have to ruin the moment?" Miku whined.

"Yes I do,"

"Can you at least go to another party?"

"No."

"Then you'll never be invited back here. Never."

"Who said I wanted to go? You throw some pretty horrid parties."

"Gah! I so do not!"

The party laughed at the two girls as they got involved in their little argument. But as the group was busy, Rin looked over to the window, for a shadow had caught her attention. Nothing seemed to be out of place, but she still didn't look away. For there, at the edge of the window, sat the blue jay from the park. His eyes held a twinkle and his feathers held a shine.

"Thank you," Rin whispered to the bird on the other side of the window. With a small nod of its head and with a spread of its wings, the small blue bird took off.

"What are you looking at, Rin?" Len looked down and asked.

"Hm?" She looked up at the boy. "Oh, nothing. Just saying goodbye to an old friend."

* * *

**FIN**


End file.
